I feel a lot better after reading all the experiences from mothers who left me comments. Down to it all, i believe motherhood is really about balancing. How can i even talk about being a good mother if i keep falling sick and feeling depressed and crying every day and night.
Not that i magically have no bad feelings building up now that i stopped breastfeeding. It's just i feel a lot better and going with most of the advice people gave me, i'm thinking of what other things i can do for and with the baby =))) You guys stay positive for me when i am not, thank you.. =)
Today my therapist told me that every mum want only the best for their child and i shouldn't feel bad about myself becox i too would want nothing less than the best for my child but different mums have different capabilities so we can only try our best. And about how we have to be there for our baby for not just their newborn period but for a lifetime. So how can we be "there" to start with if we are not even mentally / emotionally stable.
To be very honest.. Even when i try to tell myself all of the above, they sound like excuses to make myself feel better haha but one thing for sure, we have to move forward.
Mich gave Josh and i a ride to go get a stroller cox the one i ordered and paid for online, from overseas, took a month plus to tell me they have to cancel my order. I super rage omg. So we had to settle for the least ugly pram with the least black hahaha.
Josh and i took her out to the garden nearby for a stroll and for some fresh air..
Baby you don't know yet.. But today was the first time you are out of the house in a pram ^.^ Mummy will be better for you..
I guess this is how my whole life will be until Meredith can decide for herself what she wanna do in life haha - Always feeling like i need to do better so that she doesn't miss out or feel like she lack becox i lack.
How come motherhood can give you this huge sense of achivement but at the same time give your confidence such a huge blow one ah? You achieve something so wonderful you should feel proud of yourself mah! But almost everything i do for the baby i need to second-guess myself one!
Can't wait for the time she can give me approval on what i'm doing right lol. Maybe only when she grows up to be a kind and healthy person then i will give myself that approval.
Alright, just wanna say THANK YOU. Especially to the people who love me anyway =') My husband, family, friends and supportive readers..