07 April 2015


Hello! Thank you for all the encouraging comments on my blog and on instagram and for all the encouraging emails. I might not be replying to all of them but i read every single one. Thank you..

I feel a lot better after reading all the experiences from mothers who left me comments. Down to it all, i believe motherhood is really about balancing. How can i even talk about being a good mother if i keep falling sick and feeling depressed and crying every day and night.

Not that i magically have no bad feelings building up now that i stopped breastfeeding. It's just i feel a lot better and going with most of the advice people gave me, i'm thinking of what other things i can do for and with the baby =))) You guys stay positive for me when i am not, thank you.. =)

Today my therapist told me that every mum want only the best for their child and i shouldn't feel bad about myself becox i too would want nothing less than the best for my child but different mums have different capabilities so we can only try our best. And about how we have to be there for our baby for not just their newborn period but for a lifetime. So how can we be "there" to start with if we are not even mentally / emotionally stable.

To be very honest.. Even when i try to tell myself all of the above, they sound like excuses to make myself feel better haha but one thing for sure, we have to move forward.

Mich gave Josh and i a ride to go get a stroller cox the one i ordered and paid for online, from overseas, took a month plus to tell me they have to cancel my order. I super rage omg. So we had to settle for the least ugly pram with the least black hahaha.

Josh and i took her out to the garden nearby for a stroll and for some fresh air..

Baby you don't know yet.. But today was the first time you are out of the house in a pram ^.^ Mummy will be better for you..

I guess this is how my whole life will be until Meredith can decide for herself what she wanna do in life haha - Always feeling like i need to do better so that she doesn't miss out or feel like she lack becox i lack.

How come motherhood can give you this huge sense of achivement but at the same time give your confidence such a huge blow one ah? You achieve something so wonderful you should feel proud of yourself mah! But almost everything i do for the baby i need to second-guess myself one!

Can't wait for the time she can give me approval on what i'm doing right lol. Maybe only when she grows up to be a kind and healthy person then i will give myself that approval.

Alright, just wanna say THANK YOU. Especially to the people who love me anyway =') My husband, family, friends and supportive readers..


Anonymous said...

Reading your blog like 2 years now i think, an di am amazed of how you developed! Your gonna be a Super-Mom, keep being kind and funny as you are! Your child will not become a psychpath just because you stopped breastfeeding, don#t let other people bring you down^^

Anonymous said...

negative comments are also constructive feedback. You are extremely fake and have nothing in life.

Anonymous said...

Hi qiu qiu.. Im your fan from malaysia.. Hope you can blog about your confinement..what you can n cannot eat. And is it true that during confinement you cannot take bath? Looking foward for that story. Thanks! :)

Jeri said...

I can totally empathise with you. I stopped breastfeeding when my baby was about 2 months old. I had aimed to breastfeed her for at least 4 months, turned out I overestimated myself. I simply didn't have enough supply. Even from time to time now, I still feel pangs of guilt, that I couldn't manage to breastfeed her long enough, especially when I see some of my colleagues going to pump milk during free breaks (and mind you, I have 7 colleagues who gave birth last year!) so, imagine the number of times guilt strikes me. Sometimes, I try to ease my guilt by telling myself that I have given her all that I was able to during the first 2 months so I shouldn't feel too bad. I am sure this applies to you too ;)

Anonymous said...

Hehe you also forgot motherhood makes mother "shameless". If 15 male doctors come and check your down there when you are giving birth, also don't care, just open legs. Lol

Anonymous said...

im always support u no matter what qiuqiu!u r so humble and I love to hear all of your story.nvm with breatfeeding bcoz Meredith still got the best daddy n mommy in the world :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Qiuqiu! I've been a long silent reader of yours.. Firstly congrats on having Meredith, she's so adorable.

Secondly, I hope you'll stay positive and always think of all the good around you, even in the smallest things. You're very blessed to have your husband! Ignore all these people who have nothing better to do than to bring you down. We as your readers will always be here to support you! ~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

I'm not a mother yet not am I married but I'm pretty sure breastfeeding is not everything. Hope you and your family are doing well! xx

Sotongette said...

Hi Qiu Qiu

Congratulations on bringing your daughter safe and healthy into this world, and she looks absolutely beautiful!

I also had problems with BF-ing as my son (now 16 months old) did not latch well. I didn't even approach a lactation consultant, but I managed to pump for quite a while. So I can relate to your frustrations about latching/BF etc.

I hate it when people judge mothers on whether they BF, whether they do this, do that... I mean, each mother is trying her best and there're just some things that are done in different ways. Who are you to judge a mother??? So don't feel depressed by opinions; I'm sure you are trying your best already.

By the way, post natal blues are very real. Even until today, I'm constantly in a flight-or-fight mode whenever I'm with my baby. I'm always stressed, always trying to do more, to achieve more, to relieve my hubby, to.... and I really do look back on my pre-baby days and sometimes miss those (selfish) alone moments.

But as you might know already, the baby can work magic and whenever they smile, awww.... you will just melt.

So, yes I agree that people like to leave out IMPORTANT details about parenthood such as leaky breast, low supply, lack of sleep (the full extent of it) etc, and harp too much on the joys with the baby. Someone really should manage the expectations of new parents!

All the best to you and your family. I can tell you that things will only get better from here, really. The worst days of sleeplessness and all are really going to be over soon. Then you can look forward to better baby-life balance.


Aja-Aja said...

No worries about motherhood, dear! I was exactly like that 20 & 15 years ago (OMG). I breastfed my babies for like 3 & 2 weeks respectively and I was like (huhuhu, wahhhhh, pain, I give up!) They are now 20 & 15 and super close to me and I don't have teenage problems and they have been sick like only 4 times in their lives. An advise my Grandma gave (best ever) was to have lots of skin to skin contact with your child so we had many showers and baths together when they were young. The bad part - til NOW, they still need their hugs and 2 HUGE boys are not babies anymore and HEAVY but the best ever - Mama, when I hug you my day feels all better!

Giorgia Baldon said...

hi qiuqiu!
you are an amazing person: funny, sweet, supportive and much more
don't worry for the choises you made, your daughter will apreciate everything!

Anonymous said...

Jiayou! You can do it. Fake or not.

Unknown said...


Just wanted to let you know that your kids may not learn to appreciate you until they are much older.

I was terribly unappreciative of my parents when I was younger. It was only when I went out on my own and learn more about my life when I started to be more appreciative of what they did for me.

As long as you did your best from your heart, that is the most important thing. Good luck and I hope your children will learn to appreciate you much earlier than I did!

ferdy said...

Hai, don't get upset..have you try some supplements that can increase the production of breast milk? I have tried some pretty effective product that helps increase my breast milk supply. you can try if you're interested. because in the beginning I was also difficult to breastfedding. you can try this Traditional Medicinals Organic Mother's Milk ,fenugrek, moringa powder, calcium,placenta+vit b12 from doctor's prescription and Be sure to drink a lot of liquids. I know we hear this all the time but it really does makes a difference. Shoot for at least 12 – 8 oz. glasses a day or drink to thirst. For nutrition, many moms have boosted supply by eating galactagogues like oatmeal, barley, millet and quinoa as well as spices like fennel, ginger and turmeric. Brewer’s yeast, flaxseed, almonds, and sesame seeds can boost your supply. i hope it can help you to get more supply for your breast milk