23 March 2020

Me as a mum 2 years 2 months

Hello. This was a rollercoaster month. Maybe one of the most stressful months filled with so much mixed emotions i can't even begin to describe but i'd try.

First i was not in a good shape mentally. Two lawsuits were in the midst of settlement and i remember so clearly that when i was just pushed back to my ward after delivery, my lawyer (and good friend, Sharon) told me she don't wanna bother with these but the updates are ..... (rather good progress) haha. I don't waste time to get things moving. So that was intense.

And then i got super stressed financially becox sooo many cheques were late and i went to the delivery ward with just $49 in my bank. I had set aside money for the hospitalisation bill but still very stressful becox of a little episode when Amelia was born.

First picture ever of Amelia Tan Zhi Xian my baobeibeibeibei =')))

She couldn't keep her oxygen level in healthy good and safe range without oxygen aid. And just right after she was born, she turned blue on the lips. I remember having her in my embrace and her lips turned pale and bluish and that's when i realise her feet also turn blue. So the nurses took her away from me really fast and brought her to the NICU. It was all a blur.

I haven't even remember how she looked yet.

And i remember when i went back to the room and got an update from the doctor of how she has to stay in NICU i just felt so so so guilty. Becox the whole pregnancy i let life sweep me away, i was depressed, i wasn't exactly welcoming the baby with much excitement. I let things get the better of me. And i told myself that if god would give me another chance, i will be a better person and a better mother. And i will be even stronger than how i was.

I prayed and prayed for Amelia to be okay. You know the silly deals you try to make with god hahaha. I was like i can live shorter by 20 years if you let my kid be healthy, if need longer you can tell me. I can die after they turn adults and can take care of themselves haha. Now it sounds very stupid but tbh desperate times calls for desperate measures.

Only Josh could go see her at very specific timing so i begged him to please take more pictures of her cox i wanna see her so badly. Tbh she looks perfectly okay to me alright. 3.5kg so big size lol.

Turns out Amelia could maintain oxygen level the next day thanks to Dr Han and Thomson Medical staff for their close monitoring and care and of course my baby being a total trooper herself hehe.

So yup that's the intense part. Now we throwback to life before it gets SUPER intense. Haha. Just xiao intense but i was trying to chill out the last leg of this pregnancy so yup and not stress about what i can't control like the lawsuits and all but i just kept working. I work non-stop. I say yes to all the work that comes just so that i can continue to pay all the debts and on-going lawyer fees etc.

Xiao fashionista chose and cordinate her own outfit at 2 years old lol. Those accessories are mine and she ownself go take and wear. Think she damn chio sia go to school like that.
Went to school and brought back pizza that she made hahah. She ate all the liao and then give it to me okay tbh =) Hahah.
"What? At least you have bread??"
Taken by Teacher J haha.

Go gaigai. She chose to wear a pair of sandals ganma buy haha and ask me "Gan ma buy?"
时尚 =)
Hi-tea with Jia and Cheesie and baby Sakua!
First time receiving Mothers' Day gifts!
But she didn't forget to  remind me "Must share. Must share with me okay?"
Random shot our playtime in the playroom after school.
Picture of her baking the cupcakes in school. Haha.
Mothers' Day celebration in school.
Going out with Yutaki i remember haha.
My bump is 有够大.
Cheesie, Jia and Carolyn so nice throw a surprise baby shower party for me T.T
Damn effort really!!!
I thought i was going there to swim and to celebrate Sakura's birthday!
Thank you thank you thank you!!! ❤️

Meredith wanna abe just like mama haha.
Swimming afterwards.
Random pictures of fasion diva Meredith lol.
So thankful for how everything in a mess can still fall in place. Long story cut short, it was really tough time but i am so so so glad we manage to pull through. Thankful for my dad moral support by trying to pop by more often to spend weekends together.
Nothing fancy but everything to remember. 要吃过苦, 才懂得珍惜甜. 谢谢爸爸.
Gan ma bring Meredith and all of us to the zoo cox scared after baby comes out then no time to bring Meredith out haha.
Ganma buy cai tao kueh yayyy!



Meredith's first pony ride.

So thankful for ganma. When i kena lawsuit really Amelia and Meredith's milk powder she buy one haha. 没得找了 a friend like that.
Rare picture of me becox my clothes all bth LOL. In my defence though, this top CAN cover my belly one it's just i didn't pull it down for the picture lol.

Out for work and then..
Jayne came to visit at night and she brought me a cake haha. I can't remember what was it for. But i'm thankful. I don't mention this often but Jayne really help me chiong through all these crisis and takes care of me work-wise and i'm so happy we kept the friendship through all these years.
Dinner and mandatory baby bump picture with Mich and Zhen haha. Then..
6am my waterbag burst and the rest is history haha. You can read her birth story here.
Josh was running a high fever lol. JOKE. I think he was so sick he needed medical attention himself LOL. But he dong until Amelia come out then he go rest haha.
Hello little grumpy baby.
Couldn't see Amelia but Meredith came to visit mama. Haha.
 Day 2 we could see Amelia YAY~!!!


Hello mama's fatty baobei ❤️
Look like siyi wtf LOL.

You are perfectly beautiful, Amelia.
A picture with yeye.
A picture with eryi..
Finally mama's turn is it haha.
"whatever the fk is going on?" Haha.
Meanwhile at home, ganma help us take Meredith for the night ❤️
Apparently Meredith woke up next morning and ask her "Who are you" LOLOL.
Hello my princess..
A more photoshopped and presentable picture for instagram lol.
Went back home and my dad cooks for me almost every weekday although i told him no need no need! I love this sesame oil egg though omg. Haha. Damn heaty.
"Meh"
"Be serious"

Someone is very happy mama is back.
HELLO BEAUTIFUL~ Early morning suntan session haha.
Jiejie being a drama queen in school as usual.
Eat one noodle..
Need to have so many faces haha.
Just some cute lousy quality pictures i have to log in okay haha becox my baby grow so fast!!!


Meredith ask to do facial mask again lol.
Josh being hands on but not as xiong as when he took Meredith becox that time we no helper for 1 month plus!
First checkup!
 Burp face.

Our second kid under Doctor Han's care.
 The little smiles Josh and i caught.
Meanwhile jiejie having whale of time in school where there's only 3-5 students lol.


Walk out to this and felt immensely thankful. Although papa sleep on floor a bit poor thing but haha i am thankful he's such a hands-on papa.
Josh's mum cooked for me too.

Amelia was a very.. Pek chek and frustrated baby haha.


 With my OG baobei haha.
Yeye and Melia.
 More fun time in school!


One week into things.
Meredith was feeling like a baby again. Insecure sia haha.
I was strong enough to pick her up!

Kua smlj haha.
 Ah Bong gorgor came to baobao all the babies.
Rosyth childcare centre operates on weekend haha.
 Siyi find time off work to come baobao Melia.

 Another weekend, another family time.
Sanyi baobao.
"Can you stop"
Fast forward now, we have 2 more members in this clique and waiting for more LOL.
Ganma and her kids LOL.


Dressed herself again.



SMILEY BABY for a bit.
Meredith's after dinner entertainment = Makeup for mama.

Bonding time!
Jia doing makeup for Meredith with washable marker lol.

Look at this joker LOL tryna draw herself into no-face.

 Mama's litlte turtle.
 Insecurities full out in action haha. She want a handkerchief at her neck just like baby.

Baby Lizzie came to visit with papa and mama. So thankful for nice clients this period!!!
Hot and yums confinement food daily i am so thankful for! From Thomson Medical Centre!
Painted her nails with markers and was proud of it.
 Meow..
Josh built a pirate ship for the girls haha.
I swear Melia look so.. Angry as a baby haha. I think it has to do with my emotions when i was carry her inside of me hahaha.

Little moments i live for. Jiejie automatically offer to help Melia hold milk bottle.
Sucked the soul out of Melia when i sucked these mucus out of her nose LOL.

Sleeping on papa's chest on a afternoon nap.
I asked for permission to bring Meredith out for just a few hours. During confinement. I think it was hormonal but i felt like i couldn't breathe like i feel SOOOO STUFFY AND PENT UP. I feel so guilty Meredith is just always at home with us.. Like i don't get this shit together. So i told Josh, i'm gonna sneak out to bring Meredith for a quick movie and indoor playground. It keeps me sane.
Meanwhile Amelia with papa.
"Hey how could you dump me at home" Hehe.
I dress Meredith muchhh better than Meredith dress Meredith. HAHA.
First outing together.

Hehe cute grumpy little thing.
Walk in on their afternoon nap. Until now they still sleep like that okay. 父女情深 or what. If Meredith cuts into my space i will place her back one haha i scared she hit my nose. Lol.

Anyway yup! Thanks for reading if anyone is still reading haha! I am soooo far behind but i will keep up no matter what! Stay safe during this period please. You can do many things at home like reading up, learning something new on Youtube, bake, enrich yourself.. Or like read my blog archives LOL.

Till then! WASH YOUR HANDS OFTEN AND STAY SANE.

Here's a insane mum who keeps 30 minutes log of her life like anyone would actually be keen to see LOLOL. I do. And i hope when my kids grow up, they will thank me for that. So they will remember they are so loved, so so loved.

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