10 May 2017

My life is about to change again

Last 2 years were the time where i had the most changes in life.

From being a mother, to getting pregnant again, to dealing with lawsuits, and in the next 1-2 weeks to come, my life is about to change again..

I will be a mother of two.

Don't think i've grasp the concept of "doing it right" with one child yet haha, how am i going to do it with two! I too wonder. Guess i'd just go with it!

Right now if you ask me, i'm more worried about how Meredith will feel and how it will change her, having a little sister. As of now she has already registered that she has a meimei inside me, coming out soon.

Everyday she would kiss her meimei, without me asking ='))) She eat food / fruits also will wanna feed the meimei, which is essentially my belly lol. Play toys also she will show meimei her toys.. She where pain pain also will show meimei.. So far i must say she interacts with my belly and me overly well. LOL.

"See meimei! See!" *shows her toy to my belly* Then i will jiggle my belly a little and squeak softly "Thank you jiejie! I love it! It's so fun!" O.O

I am gonna be bipolar soon i swear LOL. I play so many characters a day with all her 2973976348 soft toys. And now i gotta role play as her meimei also lol.

As much as she likes meimei, she is also insecure about not being loved with an additional meimei.

It first started when she was having a video call with Michelle. And Michelle said "Sorry Meredith this time Ganma bought a lot of clothes for meimei.. Not so much for you.. Next time ganma get for you okay.."

Meredith pouted sadly for a while and look at me "But i wang..... =((( I oso wang.. Wah abao me?"

Then another time a stroller was delivered to our house. It's suitable for both of them. So when Meredith saw the stroller she asked

Meredith: Dis for me? My sholer?

Me: Yeah, it's for you and meimei.

Meredith: Noooo. It's for me! *about to melt down*

Me: Okay okay. It's for you.

Meredith: Yes. It's for me.

Me: But can you share with meimei?

Meredith: Can! I share wee meimei my sholer. Mas xie.

=__="

Then she proceed to put her shoes at the stroller, and then hang her water bottle on it too =___=" Hahaha. Each time not forgetting to remind us "Dis my sholer. I xie wee meimei". Okay okay yours yours yours!

And then i was explaining this picture to her to talk about being considerate and giving up seats to people who need it more and she was pointing out that the mummy (the one carrying a baby in the carrier) is me, and so i casually replied..

Me: Yes.. That's mummy. And i'm carrying meimei.. This is Meredith yes? *points to the little girl sitting on the far left*

Meredith: Noooo.. Dis Mehdith. Dis not meimei.. Mama carry me.. Hmph.. Hmph.. Hmph.. ='(((

=OOO What kind of insensitive mother am i!

She really hmph hmph hmph like a bit hurt a bit angry and wanna cry wanna cry like this.

And look at me like why i don't love her omggggg. HOW AM I GONNA DEAL WITH HER LITTLE ACCIDENTAL HEARTBREAKS KNOWING THERE'S GONNA BE MORE TO COME T________T

She really is my baobei for so long.. Can't help but feel a little sad that soon she will have to deal with not being able to have papa and mama's attention fully and i'm very very worried if i'd accidentally hurt her or her or be insensitive to her constant need for assurance and attention especially with meimei around by then T_T

Like even for her school time, we might have to adjust it a little bit to have her stay in school to nap instead of coming home to nap becox we are scared that meimei's crying will disturb her rest and vice-versa. And also English, pre- Maths and pre-Science classes are all after nap time, on different days.

But honestly i just can't let it go. I cannot let her go T____T If i let her go to school 10am - 4pm that's 6 hours away from me everyday instead of just 3 hours like it's always been.

Just the thought of it 我就心痛死.

Am i being over-dramatic here.. I don't know. Probably.. But i feel like crying becox i mean right now i put her to nap everyday i'm home, and on some days when i'm not, she would sometimes wait for me to put her to nap.. Her favourite song is "Mama love bidang" Bidang is her.. And the tune is It's A Small World. The lyrics repeat with "Mama love bidang.. Bidang love mama" and with that she will always fall asleep sound and sweet =')))

But if she naps in school is howwwww. As much as Meredith's teachers and school is really awesome, nobody is gonna sing her lullaby i suppose???

OMG BUT ANOTHER PART OF ME IS SCREAMING AT MYSELF to ask me to let go becox Meredith needs to grow and what comforts me and comforts her right now might not be suitable for the long run T___T And that i should never be that kind of mother who baby their kids until they ownself don't know they are stifling the growth and maturing of their kids.

Josh (Co-Founder of Meredith LOL) also tell me i need to let it go.. T________T And that i can let Meredith try first, to see how.

Michelle (Main sponsor HAHA) ask me to start her on the longer school timing sooner becox if i wait until meimei comes out then i let her go try, she will think it's becox of meimei that she has to nap in school and that will be worst. I agree.. But i'm only left with 2 weeks T___T It means i have to let her go try soon. Like maybe this week. HOW DO I DO IT WHEN I DON'T WANT TO DO IT.

Urghomg.

I drafted this post 1 week ago, when i actually am left with 2 weeks time to decide. A week later, things have changed and i've decided, to not let her nap in school =XXX Pre-school Science and Maths and English can wait, she'd learn them matter of time.

Meredith is gonna continue to go only 3 hours becox that's enough time for learning, playing and social interaction with teachers and other kids and then she can come home to enjoy time with us and her little baby sister. I read with her everyday anyway! We also do counting and learn alphabets at home. I think she's doing okay learning wise, for a 2 yro! (actually just comforting myself becox i don't know if i'm doing the right thing or just doing the easier thing).

As for me, when the baby is out, i'd just have to figure out how to let them both get rest without waking each other up. I think Meredith being the jiejie will understand how to help me =D

I guess you can already see, i'm not ready-ready. Too many things unsettled and i have all these mom-struggles. We'd take one step a time alright!!!

My life is about to change again, i don't know what to expect but i expect it to change so that when it does, i know i'd deal with it like how i've been dealing with it since =) With lotsa good faith, positivity and determination to be a good enough mommy for my.. Kids =')



2 comments:

Charmaine Ng | Architecture and Lifestyle Blog said...

Such a sweet, sweet post, QQ. You'll definitely be a great mother to meimei!

Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com

Hanna Lei said...

Congrats to you! I wish you and your children the best -Hanna Lei