01 April 2015

Why won't you love me back?

Last 1 week plus was hard.

After i finally solved my breastfeeding issues with Mrs Wong, i was slowly settling in and was able to deal with what i have to cope.

But then a week ago i had a migraine attack for the first time since i got pregnant which was about 9 months ago.

For those of you who have been reading me, you could search for my migraine post, i can't link it here cox i am blogging from my mobile again. But anyway you'd have known that my migraine is a full blown shithole. Blind spot, stiff neck, nausea, numbness on limbs and tongue etc.. And i usually have it once every month. Or if i'm lucky, once every 2 months. And when it happens, i am as good as a handicap.

Now that i'm no longer pregnant, migraine is coming back with a vengeance. No joke. I had one last week, and then again 2 days ago and then again yesterday.

Each time i have it i break down and cry. Like WHYYYYY. WHYYYYY GOD.

I know i am having the M (don't wanna say it in word anymore) becox i am having too little sleep and in between becox i have to pump, i get disturbed sleep even with Josh taking the midnjght shift for the baby so that i could rest.

It's like i don't understand, i try so hard to make breastfeeding work.. Why does it give me new problem every other day..

I wanted it to work so much i even went to buy all these amongst other things..


Support cushion for baby to latch comfortably,the  lady told me it's the best in the market although it's a little bit more costly than the rest, she say it helps position the baby very well during breastfeeding. Shut up and take my money.

Nipple shield and niplette from AVENT. Lady told me it works like a nipple-puller and it will really help short nipples during breastfeeding. Shut up and take my money, again. Lol.

It's like i'm in a bad relationship but i have fallen so deep i refuse to get out.

First we had a rough start. Breastfeeding and i. It was simply a one-sided love, it seems like only i want it to work out. But we got together anyhow but there was no honeymoon period.

It constantly hurt me (physically) and my feelings. And sometimes when my baby has upset stomach / unhealthy stool i will blame my breastmilk T.T Which makes me feel like a horrible cow who possibly produce bad milk.

But i keep trying and trying, accomodating to all the demands just to continue my relationship with breastfeeding. But it keeps giving me new problems.

Why won't you love me, breastfeeding. Why?

Everytime i have a M attack, i just wanna breakup with breastfeeding and sleep in peace and just focus on caring for the baby with Josh. M handicaps me for hours and this family become one man down. Then Josh have to take on the duties of caring for two person.

On 2nd of April i woke up with tenderness on my right boob so i pump and then hand-expressed. Next session it didn't get better and it's very back-breaking to hand-express and aim for the container lol so Josh was helping me from the back. We squeezed quite a fair bit but still the soreness didn't go away.

Afternoon it developed into a hard block. I still try to pump and hand-express.. Didn't work..

At the same time becox Meredith was fussing so much at night and crying her lungs out every night, we went to see the peds.

Went to Dr Eugene Han at Thomson Medical. He really is the most patient doctor who listened to us and didn't try to get it over and done with ASAP.

In case you are wondering, i paid. It's a very difficult time so please don't leave me boh liao comments, thank you.


That's Meredith looking suspicious haha. Turns out she is gaining weight healthy and Dr Eugene Han offered us a well-rounded set of solutions to tackle her crying problem. From non-medical to medical. I am very happy now my baby is in good hands!

Our previous peds is at Paragon and the doctor is okay don't get me wrong. It's just i need someone who can really hear me out cox you know first time parent all very gan jeong one.

Anyway.. On the way to Meredith's checkup, i already realise i'm running a fever cox of the inflammed right boob.

Things escalated pretty fast and next i was having chills and bodyache.

Since we're at Thomson i walk-in to the 24 hour family clinic and got myself meds for my flu, cough, fever and inflammation of the boob.

But i'm actually very very distraughted by the fact that breastfeeding gave me yet another problem. So i ask for pills to stop milk supply just in case.

It hurts so bad not so much physically though the sore boobs was quite a bitch.

It's more like.. A mental torture. This gift i have to provide something good for my baby, that i tried so hard to make it work.. Is giving me so much problems that i might have to cut it off.. It's the struggle of taking away something good for your child OR live in misery.

It's really like a bad relationship. You want to make it happen but it's almost abusive haha. I kept tearing up at just the thought of stopping.

Back at home i tried to hand-express milk again and the milk was warm cox i'm running a fever right. My right boob was so sore and inflammed i wanted to die. So i started crying again T.T Damn emtionally unstable. Not sure anymore if i was collecting milk or tears in the container..

So i guess i had enough.. I don't wanna be in pain mentally and physically anymore. I don't want to have Josh so beaten up taking care of me and the baby, alone.

And this was it. So i took the pill and went to the kitchen to tell Josh i'm sorry.

He always assured me that breastfeeding or not, it doesn't bother him. And at this point he only tell me "It's okay. If you tell me now you wanna do it but you can't, i'd help you until you can.. But if you decided to stop, then just stop. I will support you either way. I just want you to be comfortable.." Him being so understanding make me feel even more touched T.T

It then dawn on me that.. All these doesn't matter anymore. I should see just how blessed i am.. With a husband who is covering both our shifts and didn't even complain. Who sleeps less than 3 hours a day but still finds the energy to cook for me everyday when i'm sick..

And i have awesome sponsor like Philips who provided me with the best baby products.. I was very touched by the care and concern they've shown me during this period when i'm breastfeeding.

When i finally decided to stop, i went to carry Meredith and sat by the window for some fresh air and sunlight.. And i felt really relieved. That now on.. I just have to focus on making my baby happy.

But i guess overall.. I need to be happy too. Crying everyday is just not my thing omg. Today on it's just me, Josh, Meredith and the people who love us.

No more crying and constantly falling sick and feeling sorry for myself. And with that i give up the special talent god give to almost all mothers in world..

Sorry baby, please know that i still love you. If not i would have given up on first day O.O For one, i am super duper afraid of pain hahah. 我真的很怕痛的!!!


That was the last bag of milk i manage to store.. I can't say i am feeling awesome about stopping breastfeeding becox now when the let-down feeling comes and my boobs leak milk even without me squeezing / pumping.. I feel sad.

Sad that i have given up, sad that i let the baby down. Sad that it didn't work out the way it should have. A lot of people think breastfeeding is a natural thing to happen. It is but it doesn't happen smoothly for everyone.

I was showering in the bathroom and there it happen again. My boobs were leaking. And then i cried in the shower for a good 10 minutes T___T Reminding myself of what i have lost..

Even in my dreams the last two days i kept dreaming of being able to pump milk again. Then i'd wake up with a shitty feeling of "it's all too late.. Why did i give up. I am shitty person"

What the heck you want, breastfeeding. I already broke up with you why are you trying to patch back with me haha. Please stop. I need to move on. You never really loved me anyway.

I am sorry i gave up. But i need to move on. I need to be happier.. I still need to be a mum even if i am not breastfeeding. I mean.. Being a mum is not just about breastfeeding, right? Right..?

88 comments:

301.83 said...

Hey, don't feel guilty about that. You have tried your best. What is most important is that both mum and baby are happy and healthy. You can't take care of baby if you are unhappy and if your blocked duct gives you so much health issues. Don't worry or think so much. Many mothers out there use formula and all mothers are awesome, no matter how they choose to feed the baby. You can be an awesome and happy mum without breastfeeding too! Being a mother is much much more than just breastfeeding a baby.

Gracie said...

Hey, don't get so upset about it. You are right, happy mummy equals happy baby. Formula milk is not poison, as my PD was telling me back then when I had problems breastfeeding (I end up exclusively pumping, which was so tiring and painful, and I cried so many nights to sleep). Jiayou!!! You are doing your best for your child and she is growing well, so don't worry! Looking forward to a happy post next time round! :)

J Tan said...

Hey,i delivered my baby 1 day before you and your last few blogpost is exactly how i felt. I gave up breastfeeding within 2 weeks. I also cant latch the baby due to short nipples and had a really bad time with constant engorgement. I also took the pill but felt so emotional and guilty after. I didnt want to be stuck to the machine every 2 hrs. And when i dont, i get engorged which is the most painful thing ever. The boob get rock hard and swollen, i cant carry my baby jus cos it hurts so bad. My armpits n arm gets hot and i get cold shivers i have to hide under the blanket. I know how you feel. I also spent alot of money and time trying to make bfeeding work out and in turn not spending time with my baby. When she cries, im stuck to the pump. When she coos and smiles, im stuck to the pump. When she jus need a cuddle, im stuck to the pump. Im not the pump's mother!! I wanna spend time w my baby, not the pump!

It took me a while before i decided motherhood is not all about bfeeding and there is so much more to achieve than jus bfeeding. In fact the day i decided to take the pill, i was at paragon trying to pump. My less than 1 month old pump died on me. I just burst out crying alone there in the nursing room thinking why is bfeeding making things so difficult for me. I cried so much the last few weeks that i figured bfeeding is not for me. Im happy it works out for some people but sorry, not for me.

My pd said that formula milk is now made to be quite similar to bmilk. There is nothing wrong. And we have tried our best. Im sure our babies wont blame us. Now they will get quality time with us and we dont have to battle bfeeding anymore.
dont let anyone make you feel bad about this ok? Until now i still feel emo when i see my nursing bras, breastpads, the stupid spoilt pump... in fact..i still havent left the breastfeeding facebook grps... its been abt 1.5 weeks since i stopped bfeeding and im so much happier. I rest more and i get to spend more time with my baby. A happy mama = a happy baby.

All the best! Oh yes after u taken the pill, dont touch the boob anymore, means no expressing or massaging. It will activate the supply again.

(Ps my instagram acct is locked hence not sure if u can see when i leave a comment there so decided to leave you one here)

Anonymous said...

Hey!! Don't worry about it! I grew up without breastfeeding. And honestly, I don't fall sick that easily. Be happy, and the baby will feel your happiness too! (:

Jen said...

I didn't bf my elder girl too and she is a healthy 7 yrs old girl now. I know how you feel. I'm much worse I think she only drank less than 20ml of breast milk. It's ok to give formula. Your well being is more important, so you can take better care of your family. Jia you ok!!

Anonymous said...

It is definitely not easy for you, but at least breastfeed her for another two more months. If not when she is 5 to 6 months her immune system won't be that strong. Jiayou!

Anonymous said...

when i first started breastfeeding, it was few months back, i didnt produce much milk. it was a torture and i had to topup formula after each feeding session. my back was hurting and my boobs were engorged and i was getting sick all the time whatever happened to you happened to me.i even cried while feeding my baby. but i just couldnt handle making formulas and bottle cleaning and all the things i have to take when going out. i almost give up. but i told myself things are still new i must stay strong for my baby and i pulled thru. breastfeeding arent easy.... it takes at least 3 months to feel "ok". but now... im glad i pulled myself to keep going. i had to continue breasfeeding bcs my baby refused bottle at 3 months. maybe cause he knows how to diffrentiate a fake and real nips. but im glad you made a decision to make happy and more focus on your baby. its not the worst choice. as long as the baby is fed and healthy!!

Anonymous said...

Hey babe don feel guilty over the fact that you've stopped breastfeeding ok? There are many ways to grow a baby's immunity and BF is just ONE of the ways thats all ok? U can still build it thru other methods.. we won't judge u base on the fact u cannot BF ur baby alright? if others judge u.. just ignore them ok? i know how the M word can be a bitch and take painkillers won't help at times too.. most importantly.. u are happy.. bb is happy and josh is happy.. take care ok? muacks!

vv said...

Hi qiuqiu dun b sad! i didnt BF my kid too. dont care abt wad others say or ask. When they ask me why i didnt BF i jus reply "cos it's tiring" if the super pro BF mummies keep nagging jus clap for them n ask them continue lolol. u hav to remain healthy n happy dun get the depression is more impt!

Anonymous said...

There have too much hype about breastfeeding and give new moms a lot of unesscessarily stress. At the end of the day, as long as the bb gaining weight , happy, well feed, poo good , smiling to you and the mum have a ease of mind that the bb is good..who cares abt the bb if he is bf or fm fed.
Enjoy motherhood is this perspective. Although breast milk is gd for bbs, a healthy bb n mum is even more impt in a long tern aspect.

Cherrie said...

Don't feel sorry. Breastfeeding mums don't make them better mums than those who are not breastfeeding. Baby needs a happy mum more than anything else. If you think breastfeeding is too much n it affects the quality time spent with ur baby, by all means, pls stop it.
I was a formula fed baby n I've always been very very healthy, seldom fall sick!
So don't feel guilty ok? Happy mummy = Happy baby. That's most important. Add oil ��

Anonymous said...

Hi, totally agree with what u said in last paragraph . My baby boy was born on 8 of March also. I was suffering with breastfeeding for last few weeks. And at last I decided to stop breast feeding also. It doesn't mean we dun love our baby, right? Let's 加油together !

Jace said...

I wonder why ppl said bfg was easy
. It wasn't! With my 1st child I developed very serious mastitis that I had to do a minor surgery to draw the pus out from my boobs. I spent my whole confinement in agony and ppl were telling me being engorged is gd cos it meant I had a lot of milk. As a mum the main focus is on the baby, not on bfg... u have done your best and with a very supportive hubby, I'm sure u will be happier now that u can give full attention to both of them!

Anonymous said...

Have u thought of getting from a donor? Ur bb will still be getting the benefits of bm. Jia you!

Anonymous said...

Please dun feel sad and down. What matters most is a happy and growing BB and a wonderful hubby who is always for you. I also had to stop pumping and all after 6 weeks of trying. Taking care of a newborn and to juggle breastfeeding is a mean feat. I was crying almost every other day and couldn't take the mental stress anymore. My hubby actually had it worse, take care of a crying baby and crying mummy :(

Qiuqiu, Jiayou... Whether it's breast milk or formula milk, our little ones will grow up fine :)

Jiayou, Jiayou!

Mrs Grace Chia said...

Being a mum is not all about breastfeeding. Enjoy the journey of seeing your princess grow and smile and laugh. You are indeed very blessed to have a hubby to cover everything and patiently wait till you get the hang of things. All mothers have a very rough journey bfing. Don't feel like you have failed. You alrdy tried your very best!!! Right now taking care of your mental health is more impt. You can always try to relactate when you are more emotionally stable to tackle it if you really wanna give bf another shot. JIAYOUUU

Mrs Grace Chia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
EvelynZ said...

this entry resonated with me... just like you, i also had no confinement nanny, maid or help from in-laws/parents after i gave birth to my daughter in Nov 2013. Breastfeeding sapped my energy and made me feel like i was going insane from the lack of slp and support. My husband was also the one taking on most of the work.

I stopped after abt a month. it was really difficult for me to admit to others that I wasnt breastfeeding and even now when my daughter is 2+ years old and ppl bring up the topic, I still feel guilty.

But it was the best decision i could make at that time. I couldnt provide her with breast milk but I could give her my full attention, energY and sanity. that to me was more impt than anything. And she turned out healthy and still very close to me.

being a mother is not just about breastfeeding. Remember that and be strong!

Anonymous said...

Yea dun feel so guilty abt not being able to breastfeed. I feel you.. Cos my emotions went on a roller coaster ride aft delivery last year Sep. abt not having sufficient milk and the pain coz I went c sect.. In fact I felt much happier aft my gynae visit.. Gynae asked baby was being bf or formula. I replied mixed cos I was not being able to supply exclusively. He said "good! In fact formula is better!" I was bewildered.. Everybody was saying how impt bm is.. From the nutrients to antibodies etc. anyway I duno if he's consoling me but I definitely felt much better aft hearing that. Cheer up, u r a great mum! Do take care of yr health and cute Meredith. Jy!!

Anonymous said...

Hey...don't be discourage..
I believe your baby will understand why you did what you did.God didnt make us all perfect..you gain something you lose something..

Needless to say..I am glad you married the right guy. He was your pillar of support and strength throughout the period.

You are really blessed.
Cheer up!life still goes on :)

I am still looking forward to hear more from you about your journey with Meredith :)

Anonymous said...

Hey don't be sad. I know everyone said bm is good for babies. I managed to bf my first child for one month plus and eventually I stopped naturally coz I'm too tired to continue and bb was v inpatient to latch. That made me goes crazy.. My second bb born this jan, worst, I bf only half a month.. With confinement nanny encouraging me but said that my milk was of poor quality made me sad.. Eventually I stopped coz his jandice doesn't come down and pd advice me to stop bf for a few days due to the herbs I'm taking. So I took the opportunity to stop.
Doesn't matter whether u r bf or formula feed, as long as bb is healthy is the most important one.
Cheer up!!!!

sherlyn said...

Hey babe someone ever told me this, in an emergency in an aircraft,you fit yourself with an oxygen mask before you before ur children. Likewise, you take care of yourself 1st before u can do so to Meredith! ask Yourself,wil This matter to you one year fr Now? Chances are u be too bz with chasing her walking or crawling instead of moping over breastfeeding. Also, if you have a fren with a similar situation like you, how would you be reacting to her? You will support her decision and encourage her. Don't expect any lesser for yourself!were you breastfed? If not, do you blame your mom? Do you think you lost out in life? I am sure the answer is no!
There are plenty of ways to bond with Meredith besides just breastfeeding. Tell yourself,i didn't do so well in breastfeeding, let me do better in other ways..
jiayou babe!we are all behind you!

Anonymous said...

Hey Qiu, dont need to be sad or discouraged about breastfeeding. Baby will still grow healthy with drinking formula milk.
My mum also couldn't produce any milk for me and my sister and it doesn't really matter. So cheer up! :) Don't feel pressured over it!

Alice Lee-Yang said...

Hi Qiu, you are doing a great job already. Don't be too hard on yourself. Meredith is so cute and seem to be growing really well. Not to mention she's surrounded by all the love from you and caring family. I had a hard time with breastfeeding too but now I look back, it's quite a small matter. �� Hope you feel better soon and sending best wishes from me, Joe and HY. ��������

Anonymous said...

Hi Qiuting... I totally get u. I often tell pple, BF is the most terrible part of motherhood. Pple say it shld be natural n what shit but those r the pple who have zero problems with BF and oversupply of milk. BF is HARD, the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. In fact, I admit I really really hate BF. Had my second bb in Dec and I had to restart the nightmare all over again. Lack of sleep, bleeding and cracked nipples, bb who refuses to latch in the middle of the night, living ur life 24/7 round a schedule of pumping. Honestly, if mums didn't need to BF at all, having a baby would be such a happy experience. I personally feel that the pain of BF rips away all joy and happiness of having a newborn - fuck those BF advocates. Dun feel bad, dun feel guilty, ignore other ppl's judgment. This is btw u and ur baby, if it makes u a happier n better mum to Meredith, why not? Millions of babies grow up on formula and I don't see what's the big deal. I personally supplement with formula n ppl always like to ask why dun exclusively BF. Fuck la, u r not the one doing it. Those mums doing it prob dun face the same issues as us so everyone just STFU ok! For me it's still a struggle every single day and every single day I m like wth, I wanna stop NOW!! For me it's 6 mths MAX. I wanna get my life (and boobs) back. Fuck all the pple who wanna judge.

JennD said...

Thank you for sharing. I sincerely hope you feel better now. It is your body and your baby. You know best. Which mother will not want the best for their baby? Big hugs to you!!

grinleaf said...

Qiuqiu, i am also a first time mom and i gave birth to my son in Dec 2014. I have followed and enjoyed every single baby diary of yours and shared your happy anticipation of this new phase.
When i was caring for my newborn, i felt shitty tt why no one prepared me for this and i kept asking myself why is my baby much more difficult and fussy than others.
I had my own issues of breastfeeding too. Son was too impatient to latch and will only take bottle etc..
All i can say is look forward and not back, just like a bad breakup...
Remember, happy mommy happy baby. Jiayou!

Resa said...

*hugs*

Anonymous said...

Cheer up qiuqiu !!

YYY said...

Hello qiuqiu! Don't feel guilty about anything! My mum didn't breastfeed me/my sis and we still love her and we are surviving well LOL! Not breastfeeding your child doesn't mean you are a bad mom. If you are not breastfeeding, so be it! It's way better to spend happy times with your baby and josh, and have happier memories to think back on in the future :)) Cheer up and Jiayou!! Remember that breastfeeding is definitely not the only way to show love to meredith! It's like just 1/100000 ways :))

Gracie Yap said...

Hi, my baby only has 2.5m breast milk but she is so healthy and growing so well! So don't worry! Happy mom,happy baby :)

Janelle Chua said...

why all new mothers give up? Cmon! Breastmilk is a gift for god and you shld continue till 6 months. Yes, you nd to latch/express every 2 hrs. that is not right. As you express more, the supply will increase. Also, eat more like fish, & red date tea and oat. 2x..

For the 1st month is usually abt 90-120ml.

Gadually, as yr baby grow, you will express 4-5 times per day. i used to have low supply but still sufficient to feed my baby. You new mother need motivation man!!! And didnt not do enough research. Sorry! I jus give birth in dec 2014.

Janelle Chua said...

why all new mothers give up? Cmon! Breastmilk is a gift for god and you shld continue till 6 months. Yes, you nd to latch/express every 2 hrs. that is not right. As you express more, the supply will increase. Also, eat more like fish, & red date tea and oat. 2x..

For the 1st month is usually abt 90-120ml.

Gadually, as yr baby grow, you will express 4-5 times per day. i used to have low supply but still sufficient to feed my baby. You new mother need motivation man!!! Yr husband also nd motivation as well. And didnt not do enough research. Sorry! I jus give birth in dec 2014.

Anonymous said...

Hi, to be honest it's not true abt the commenter that said bf only worked for those who have no problems (good milk supply/great latch), I breastfed both my boys and I had mastitis (which i think you have), a horrible initial latch with bleeding nipples. You get the drift. The thing is, bf is not easy, everyone thinks it's natural, it is but its a learning curve for both the baby and the mother. It is only easy after all the problems are overcome which they can be with proper help. I am not here to judge. If you stop and feel great, take heart bf is no different from formula in terms of having a happy heathy baby. But if you stop and don't feel great and really want to overcome it. It can be done, mastitis simply mean you have enough milk that is not coming out. Effective latching is the key. A baby that doesn't latch at 1 month can latch perfectly as she learns. It's a confidence game. Seek help from hospital LC, or someone experienced in bf will tell you how.

However let me say this again in case anyone misunderdtands, if you want to stop, just do. Don't feel guilty. In the end a happy mummy equates a happy baby and family.

Anonymous said...

/hugs

Just be happy. We all know that you are doing the best that you can. :)

Sarah Brooks said...

I definitely want to say breastfeeding or not, it's ultimately your choice and what works best for you and your family, much like where the baby sleeps, i.e. in her own bassinet/cot or bed-sharing, provided it's safe.

I'm a Singaporean living in New Zealand and I gave birth to my daughter here. She's now 2 years 5 months old and I still breastfeed her, and she sleeps with me (or rather I sleep with her in her room). There's no right or wrong, as long as it's done out of love, works for everyone, and everyone's happy, although I must admit, my husband has been complaining about my absence from our bed.

I'm just curious as to why so many Singaporean mothers (my friends included, and they too end up giving up) are advised to pump, instead of letting baby latch on-demand every couple hours (especially newborns)? Because I was told that it's best to let baby do the job and not use pump or hand express, unless necessary, as that may also affect milk supply, since it works on a supply and demand basis. The nurses at the hospital here were very kind in showing me how to get baby to correctly latch on and they kept encouraging me and checking that the baby's properly latched on each time they came round.

At first, it was very daunting. The lack of sleep, plus I felt like I wasn't producing enough milk, because the colostrum milk was pathetically little (like less than 5mls), and my daughter lost weight in the first days. My mum came over to help with my confinement, and at one point, she even said to me, you want to let your baby die of hunger is it? She was wanting me to supplement with formula, because she saw how little colostrum I was producing. I understand she only said that because she 心疼 her granddaughter, but it really affected me at the time, and I cried.

It's just that I was told it is normal, that our babies arrive into the world well-prepared to survive until the milk comes in, that the colostrum, even in such small amounts, is sufficient for the baby and as long as they are producing enough wet and poo nappies, all is good. They said if I supplemented with formula, it might interfere with my breastfeeding, and might cause it to be less likely to succeed, as baby may prefer the bottle after that.

I read up on their breastfeeding materials and looked for information online. So armed with all the knowledge and support I got, I persevered on. Even when I had mastitis, I still let her breastfeed (of course, it was freaking painful) because it's the best way to clear blocked ducts and any infection, plus it won't affect her.

I also went through the biting phase for about 3 months, when my daughter was teething and would bite my nipple or drag it across her teeth until it bled, and again, it would be so 他妈的 painful each time she latched on afterwards. But I survived it.

Some mothers are fine to give their babies formula milk, others may insist on breastmilk, but in the end, I suppose it's really about doing the best you can for your child and having no regrets.

Sarah Brooks said...

Oh yes, not sure if you're a green tea drinker, but I stopped getting regular migraines after I totally abstain from all forms of green tea. Worked for my friend too. Although I recently found those satchet-type chrysanthemum tea seems to bring on a mean headache as well.

Anonymous said...

Hi, i've always been a silent follower, but this post of yours hit so close to home i felt myself tearing up again although i was in your position 3 years ago.
I couldnt produce enough for my elder one, no matter what i did. Painful massages, fenugreek, soups, teas, even eating stuff i normally don't cos they are supposed to help milk production.
In the end, when my girl was 3 weeks old and fussing too much, i had mastitis. So painful i had to go to a breast doctor, and have the pus removed via syringe at the exact spot where i was bleeding because it was cracked by continuous latch/ pump. And like you, i asked for pills to end it all.
To all you self-righteous mothers who put mums down for not trying hard enough at breastfeeding, get it into your system. Breastfeeding is not meant for everyone. Some of us just cant, so bring yur condescending comments somewhere else and give this already-feeling-very-low momma a break. Her baby needs her to be happy and back in the swing of things, not crying her eyes out over something she cant help.

Leen said...

Being a mum is definitely not all about breastfeeding. It is not a talent and it does not come naturally for everyone. It is bloody hard work! Sore, cracked nipples (showering was so painful!), blocked milk duct, blocked nipple duct, baby fighting you when you try to breastfeed, time pumping when you could be sleeping and feeling better. Ugh! Please do not feel shitty. Yes, you will be feel bad now and you will cry over it. But I gurantee it will be fine. Bub will be fine. Most importantly, you will be fine and able to enjoy your time with bub. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Anonymous said...

Hey Qiu Qiu! Don't worry too much about it and try not to feel too guilty ok! My siblings and I (3 of us) weren't breastfed but we are all super healthy! In fact I feel that I'm healthier than my other friends who were breastfed (might be bc of the vitamins my mum forced me to take when I was really young). Anyway don't worry too much ok! Everything's gonna be ok :). You can make it up to your baby in so many different ways. I think you're gonna be a great mum and whether you breastfeed or not, it's not gonna affect your ability to become an amazing mother :) jiayou and cheer up!

Anonymous said...

It is OK to stop breastfeeding. it sounds silly but stress do pass on to your daughter. i was stressed up breastfeeding until my husband said I have to stop and give formula milk instead bcos i was so stressed over it. i was guilty for a while but im way past that. most importantly, u gotta be happy and healthy and it will pass on to your daughter . take some time off. if breastfeeding doesnt work for you, so be it. never mind those politically correct breastfeeding mums. we are all different yet fabulous in our own ways.

Anonymous said...

Hi Qiu, if you need support about breastfeeding or caring for newborn in general, you can try www.fourtrimesters.com. I had a doula from them when I gave birth and she helped me a lot with latching issues.

Oh and based on my experience, a maid is so so needed! I can't imagine not having any support. A maid will do all the dirty work like washing dishes and laundry and leave you to do all the fun things with your baby 😄
Don't worry, you won't miss all the smiles and cooing if you have a maid or a nanny 👍

Orion said...

You don't have to feel guilty for wanting to quit breastfeeding but please hear me out: please don't give up!

From day 1, BFing was so painful for me. My nipples cracked and bled, my breasts engorged, I had clogged ducts every other day, then I developed breast infection and then breast abscess that needed to be drained. For four weeks after my baby's birth I dreaded nursing and cried whenever she latched. Every time I felt like I couldn't do it.

But I just couldn't quit. If I let myself quit now, how many more times would I quit when it got too hard?? This for my baby! I couldn't quit for my baby!

This is just a short time it is hard, then it becomes easy for you and baby. For such a short time you deal with this. I promise that when it becomes easy, it becomes wonderful! And when you see baby gain weight, you feel so PROUD that this baby is growing because of YOUR BODY! Because your body give nourishment to baby. My little girl born 3kg now two months later 6kg already!!

And no need to pump! STOP PUMPING!! Pumping so early makes over-supply! Only nurse baby and your body will balance milk production for what baby eats!

So please please please don't quit. You can do this! If you could handle labor and delivery, you can handle this!! It gets better!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi qiu,

Recently started reading your entries only to be honest and feel that you come across as very real, and I can relate to you on many many levels. The topic of breastfeeding is also emotional for me, I went through an exact similar experience as yours.. so after several rounds of engorgement and endless crying, I decided to stop and it was the best decision ever. I was able to fully pay my attention on my kid and feel happy again! What made me finally give up was when I realised, only I know what is best for my baby. And that means being a happy, balanced mum to her. While other people find it hard to understand and try to guilt - trip me again, I hold on firmly to this view of mine. It will be bad cos u will feel like you lost the ability to be a "woman", our natural ability to breastfeed.. but make it up by being an even better mum! :) jiayou,and you will find you made the right decision! Everything will only be better.

Anonymous said...

I wasn't breast fed but I have an awesome mum. JIAYOU <3

Isabel said...

Hi dear! Don feel so bad. My 2 gals were only bf for 1 mth each n they grew up perfectly fine. Bf is definitely a love n hate thing. I went back to mrs Wong so many times during the first mth that I think the carpark attendant thought I'm a staff of TMC.

I felt really bad at the point of giving up. But as wat u wrote, being a mum is not abt able to provide milk to e baby. It's abt the love, care n bonding. So spend the quality time w the baby instead. Being happy is most important now!

Wishes u all the best! :)

Anonymous said...

Hello :)

I'm a nurse to be, and I want to assure you that you being emotionally & psychologically there for Baby M is more important than you breastfeeding her.

Formula can ease your burden, pain, and feed Baby M at the same time.

Proud of you that you did your best! :) YAY TO MUMS!

K said...

Mommy happy = Baby happy that's all it matters.

sara said...

Yes Qiu, i ASSURE you, being a good mom is NOT about breastfeeding! On an objective note, the scientific evidence backing up the claim that bfeeding leads to all those purported health benefits is not even sound. Simply put, correlation ≠ causation. For a good summary/gist, read this: - http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/307311/
The author cited some very high-quality studies which show that bfeeding benefits are mostly attributable to the effects of confounding.

Plus, breast milk contains over 200 toxic contaminants, some of which may be linked to neurological disorders. The fact that the "medical authorities" did not disclose this, presenting only the positives to bfeeding, leads me to conclude that all this propaganda is purely agenda-driven.

In short, nothing to worry about! Enjoy the formula feeding ;)
ps: my daughter is almost 2, 99% formula-fed, 100% delightful!

Joree Seah said...

hugs babe, dun be sad le ok? You can give meredith even better food to make up for the loss of breastfeeding. give her all your love and time and nurture her to become a good person like you! Jiayou!

Anonymous said...

My daughter wasn't breastfed and she's a healthy 10yo now. she's hardly sick and very smart and active. Don't beat yourself over this. You need to enjoy your baby and not cry daily.

Anonymous said...

I tried so hard to bf but it only lasted 3 weeks. Spent so much on the products when I was a Preggo... And research and read many articles rgd breeding....Took lots of convincing from my mum to finally let it go. And felt like a shitty mum as well. And whenever I buy formula, the promoter would just asked why don't bf or ppl would passed remarks that I'm not trying hard enough, or I did it wrongly etc etc...I wonder why anyone judge those who doesn't bf.but now I'm at peace with it when I realised it is just the stress I build it myself and the perception that it is a natural thing that every mum must do it, no matter what. Pumping just doesn't work. No let down. And hand express worked better. But 1 hour for roughly 20ml? Really mental torturing!!!

Anonymous said...

I tried so hard to bf but it only lasted 3 weeks. Spent so much on the products when I was a Preggo... And research and read many articles rgd breeding....Took lots of convincing from my mum to finally let it go. And felt like a shitty mum as well. And whenever I buy formula, the promoter would just asked why don't bf or ppl would passed remarks that I'm not trying hard enough, or I did it wrongly etc etc...I wonder why anyone judge those who doesn't bf.but now I'm at peace with it when I realised it is just the stress I build it myself and the perception that it is a natural thing that every mum must do it, no matter what. Pumping just doesn't work. No let down. And hand express worked better. But 1 hour for roughly 20ml? Really mental torturing!!!

xj said...

Hi, I also encountered blocked dcuts and Matistis twice and bleeding on the nipple.

It was terrible because I didn't have much knowledge and express my milk instead of getting baby to latch. Best part of getting matistis was all the more I have to wake up to express and keep express and clear the blockage. I cried and cried, threw tantrums wanted to stop breastfeeding.
But I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

I got my husband to help me to clear massage and clear the lumps of blockage by using hand to manual express. It was definitely hard work and painful. Everytime I took one hour to pump and manually hand express the milk out to ensure there is no lumps.
Somehow I perservere for 9 months, my son was not totally on bm. Half bm and half fm as I don't have enough, but I thought to give him whatever' I have. As I'm working I feel too tired to continue and stop when he was 9 months. I even have my husband relative calling me lazy ok just because I give my son fm.

Sometimes I will have my mil telling me era bm and he still always get sick. No difference. Damn irritating cos I'm trying to hard and they keep blaming breastmilk for jaundice or Lao sai or whatever.

Now I'm pregnant with second one. I don't know how it will go, but I hope I can latch as express exclusively is a real torture to me. Feed baby, express and wash bottle and work the next day. Really not much sleep and I'm so grumpy.

I totally can understand you decision of stopping bf.
It is not easy!
Don't blame yourself

Esther said...

Hi Qiuqiu, just to share with you, my mum has 4 children and none of us were breastfed coz she had difficulty doing so. Not being breastfed didn't handicap us, all of us grew up well and heathy, went to college and are contributing to society. Just because she didn't breastfeed us doesn't mean she didn't love us nor did we love her any less. We love our mum as much as any other children do theirs because to us, our mom is the best:)) to yours, you will be her best mum too!! Your kid wouldn't want you to be depress over this, jiayou and stay strong!

Anonymous said...

I m a silent reader but I really feel that I need to comment to all these "breastfeeding nazis" out there. Please give poor qiuqiu a break. Here we have a mother who I m sure has and will try every means to give the best to her child. Breastfeeding is just one of the ways but it's not the only way. Just because you all bit through n survived it all to breadtfeed does not mean she needs to lead your life. By the way there are scientific studies that show that breastfeeding alters the hormones of women differently. While some mothers get a high out of bfeeding, some mums get depression from it. Just because it works out for you does not mean it will work out for everyone. Stop asking her to keep trying if u respect her decision. Are u bragging about your own achievements more than sparing a thought for her? Think about it. We don't need more mothers boasting about their bfeeding experience. She has made a choice, let's support her as mothers.

Anonymous said...

http://www.babycenter.com/0_breastfeeding-after-breast-augmentation-implants_8680.bc

Anonymous said...

Hi Qiu Qiu, while many unfair comments have been made against you, I think you are a strong woman, I have been a silent reader and I followed all your posts even before you have announce your pregnancy. I love the way you project your emotions into writing because it helps us reader to relate to you even when we dont know each other. I am just a student, but still I enjoy reading your 'rants', 'worries' and happiness! Don't let those critics mess with your emotions! Stay strong qiu qiu Jie!

Anonymous said...

I feel so sad to see you unhappy Qiu Qiu :( please don't. Breastfeeding may be a part of motherhood but it is not motherhood. I know you may be feeling sorry for Mer but honestly, your love for her is more than enough, cause she ain't no need your milk that much as compared to your love and care.
Please stay happy and healthy. Hate seeing someone so positive like you to cry. You have a healthy Meredith, a loving and selfless husband and your caring friends and family. WHAT IS BREASTFEEDING.
Love you Qiu,
Your super loyal reader and fan and follower <3

Anonymous said...

I love how authentic you are in your posts. I'm sure meredith will be super happy when she reads all this next time and knows how much you love her. :) You're a great mom, and being a great mum isn't defined by whether you breastfeed or not. STAY STRONG :)

Anonymous said...

Hi qui qiu

Have been a reader for a long time. After i read ur post i asked mom my if she bf-ed me. apparently not - no bf-ing for both my brother and i. And we both turned out fine!

So dont worry too much or beat yourself up about it. :) :)

Anonymous said...

hey qiuqiu, don't feel bad!! honestly, at this point, ur baby doesn't care whether you breast feed or don't. what she cares about is eating. and what she cares about is her mom being happy. trust me, it may seem like babies don't know too much, but when it comes to their moms, they pick up a lot!! so when you're not happy, ur baby will know. but the difference between bm and formula? doubtful they'll know that. so do what makes yu the most happy because you want to be the best mom right?

also--i really think that all u ppl giving advice to keep trying about breastfeeding even if its hard are super nice, but you're missing the point. if its making someone really miserable, they shouldn't have to keep doing it. in fact, if it's making u really unhappy to do something, stopping that thing isn't 'giving up'!! it's knowing yourself and making a decision to be happy. happiness is most important, even more than achievement.

you're going to be a great mom qiuqiu. :) i just know it. <3

Tassia Lopes said...

Qiuqiu, as I physician I have to tell you, you were so brave to go through all that and still try you bets. It´s okay if breast feeding did not work for you, it´s way more usual than you think. And now we do have some great options so that baby Meredith will grow up as healthy as any other kid. Congrats for your courage and for showing other girls out there that not everything is a fairytale. Lots of love from Brazil

Jolynn said...

A mother is not just about breastfeeding! You gave birth to a life which you should nurture and love with all your heart. There are still a lot of things that you can fulfill as a mother in the decades to come. Important life lessons to impart to your child.

Being a mother is almost larger than life. Don't let this setback push you down :)

Personally, my mom has never breastfed me. That didn't make a difference to me at all because I don't remember it anyway. What made a difference was her trust and belief in me, and she never stopped believing even during the times I fail and stray. She is always there for me, helping me with getting back on track. I think this will be what all children need from their moms, not just milk :)

jgirlpg said...

Hello Qiu,
I've always been a silent reader but now I just want to give you some encouragement. You've tried your best already - good job girl! It's definitely not easy breastfeeding, and doing so does not mean you're automatically a good mom. I have my own reasons for breastfeeding my 2 kids till they were 1.5 years old (formula milk is expensive while breastmilk is FOC, and my family has a history of girls being overweight - breastfeeding seems to help kids not to be overweight), so even though I had such a hard time struggling alone (as none of the mothers in my family breastfed), I die die also wanted to do it. My mom didn't breastfeed me, and I still grew up healthy and I didn't think she has loved me any less. So, no harm done!

Anonymous said...

It's okay it's okay... A good mother is not only about breastfeeding. My mother never did that too because she was very scared of the pain, but to me she is still the best mom in the world! Don't think I will remember sucking her breast anyway haha. But I remember how she care for me for this 25 years!
Cheer up! I'm sure Meredith understands :)

Anonymous said...

Hey Qiuqiu, dont be disheartened. I am a 18 years old (turning 19), I am not breastfed by my mother and I am healthy and kicking. :-) I may not understand what you are feeling right now because I am not a mother myself yet, but it is okay I just want to leave you a comment that may seem very minute to you. I dont and wont blame my mother, I am sure your angel Meredith wouldn't. And yes, being a mother is more than just breastfeeding. Love you always, hang in there!

Nora said...

Hi Qiu Qiu. When my son was born in November 2013, i only managed to supply him BM for 3 weeks. He didnt want to latch since he was born. He kept crying when i tried. So i've to pump out the milk. But towards the end of 3 weeks i was running dry. I did all the things u mentioned and tried all the supplements recommended by my BFing friends. Still, it didnt work out. But, i didnt have sore breasts. The first few weeks after my supply stopped, i felt depressed. I hesitated to feed him FM but I didnt want him to die of hunger (more like i wanted him to stop crying and keeping us up all night LOL). I felt insecure feeding my baby in public cos i was so worried of what other moms would think of me bottle feeding my son. But some mothers I know (close or random) who BF their babies were being supportive, understood my problem and most importantly they didnt judge. It took quite a while for me to feel better. Then, i realized maybe BF is just not meant for me. I need to get out from the agony and start focusing on my son instead of spending time grieving on being failed at Bfing. It's not the end of the world. It takes time to heal.

I have a healthy and active toddler now. He's a fast learner too. He seldom falls sick. When he sleeps he doesnt want to be tucked in under a blanket in an air-conditioned room. He’s a really tough baby. LOL

Dont stress yourself too much on BFing issue ok. Things will get better and easier as they grow older by months. And please stop crying. In fact dont cry at all during confinement that's how u easily get the M. You could get anxiety disorder too. Just enjoy every single day u spend with your daughter and husband. Heal your inner body & rest.

Anonymous said...

Don't be sad or guilty. Happy mummy make happy baby. Think about you can spend more time with her and play with you.
Nothing wrong for not able to breastfeeding. My mum didn't breastfeed me and i still grown up well. Just enjoy the motherhood.

lyn said...

*patz* Bfeeding is surprisingly so much harder than expected ya? I cried through my confinement too.

Anyway, you tried really hard so give yourself a good pat at your back! Be happy!

I have blinding migraine too. For me, it will come more often if I'm more stressed out and lack of sleep. So its kinda hard on the 1st few months of motherhood bcoz of the lack of sleep & dunno wats wrong bb crying omg session.

So do relax and get some rest? Have to stay healthy and happy yo for Meredith!

Joyce Tham said...

Hey, this is my 1st time commenting. And i decided to do it because I feel so much for you. As a mom myself, I can totally understand how you felt. Many times I want to give up BF coz of the soreness and pain, I cried alot during that time too. Keep having thoughts of giving up. Those engorgement pain are just too bad to me to handle.

I think you are doing great. Giving the best that you can to Baby. BM or FM, it doesnt matter. Baby still gets to drink and her needs are still met. You still get to do other mommies duties. Remember, giving BM is NOT the only mommy duty you have. THe list is very very long!

Jia you! I think you will make a great mom to Baby. Cheers!

Anonymous said...

Hi Girl, don't be upset over it.. I've been there and I hated those people who tried to guilt-trip me about not breastfeed and lecture me with the thousands and one benefits of breastfeeding.. My son is growing well now and I don't see those breastfed babies doing extremely better than my son.. So I SAID F* U to those ppl who tried to sound so righteous.. U did well girl, don't get affected about being able to provide it for Meredith.. What's important is that u enjoy the growing process.. Be happy! JIA YOU! Anyway, CONGRATS :)

jomel said...

Hi qiu, my first time commenting here. I just feel you..my baby is 4 months old now. I took pills to stop milk supply after one month of pumping too. N right after I felt so guilty..and i regretted so much. I cried alot back then too..But my baby is still healthy and chubby now that he is on formula. Dont be sad. Bcos you definitely will have more time for your baby when you dont have to pump anymore. Think on the bright side. Jia you!!! :)

Anonymous said...

maybe this wouldn't have happened if you didn't get a boob job last time.

yityieng said...

I gave birth a little earlier than you did and I went thru the same hell as u plus my baby had jaundice and had to be hospitalized for 4days. I get no rest from confinement and I was very sad cause baby latch on one side while rejects the other cause of short/inverted nipple. The latched nipple cracked due to prolonged use. Day 2 after birth, both my breasts were rock hard, no joke. Really like rock! The nurse in hospital massage my boob "gua sha" way and I thought I might die from the pain. Then coupled with the travelling I need to do cause I gave birth in one city and had to do confinement in another city (in Malaysia). Almost breakdown dy. Then maybe cause I pump hard(despite low production) so the short nipple lengthened. Not a beautiful sight but miraculously my baby manages to latch on it on week 5. Anyway, there is no sorry in stopping bf. Like u say, baby's happiness is most important and it is so linked to mommy's happiness. Do whatever that makes you happy. On a side note, this is my first baby so I'm as paranoid, if not more, than you are. Once I rushed to the ER cause I tot my baby had laboured breathing (thanks to google) and all I got was nothing and many stares from medical staffs who thought I'm crazy.

Anonymous said...

Hi Qiu qiu, im a mummy too and I totally understand what you are going through as I have all the same experience as you before and have been exclusively pluming for a total of 4 months and is really hell through out the 4 months, and I dun even enjoy it. In deed some people who have no problem in breastfeeding might be a stress to you and make you feel bad of not being able to breastfeed but actually is really alright being happy is the most important if you are unhappy your baby can feel you too.

Anonymous said...

No big deal, Qiu!!! My mom only bf me for 3 days and she gave up. I never blame her for it and I think I grew up fine anyway. It's just liquid food. No biggie. Smile!

Jessie said...

Motherhood is not just about breastfeeding. No breast feed for your baby doesn't mean your baby is unhealthy. The important thing to ensure your baby is full with milk and get the nutrition. My baby girl get breastfeed last for 2-3 weeks because I have a hard time to produce breast milk. For other people commenting breastfeed is good, shouldn't give up, why don't give your baby latching, why use pump and etc. You can produce oversupply milk doesn't mean other mother can. You can let your baby latch all day long but not for working mom, that's why we use pump.
Another hygiene issue is please do not take whatever donator breastmilk. You won't know the donator habit lifestyle whether she smoke ? drink alcohol? FOR GOD SAKE, DON'T RISK YOUR BABY JUST TO GET BREASTMILK. Come on what's wrong with the formula milk ?!!
The stressful about breastfeeding issue same goes with natural birth. Natural birth sure better and less risk taking than C section, why lots of people still go for C sec option ?
Medical issue ? Afraid of birth pain ? Will you go blame the mother is selfish for not giving natural birth ?
Qiu, just don't feel guilt. Do what you want, other than breastfeeding, still got others thing to make you become a good mother.

Anonymous said...

Don't feel guilty. The fact that you even tried makes all the difference.
You should check out this blog post from a mom here in the US. It's SUPER long but explains the problems she had with breastfeeding. It's a really good read.

http://melissabeck.tumblr.com/post/61678235171/i-didnt-want-to-go-with-the-middle-name-ilani

ferdy said...

Hai, don't get upset..have you try some supplements that can increase the production of breast milk? I have tried some pretty effective product that helps increase my breast milk supply. you can try if you're interested. because in the beginning I was also difficult to breastfedding. you can try this Traditional Medicinals Organic Mother's Milk ,fenugrek, moringa powder, calcium,placenta+vit b12 from doctor's prescription and Be sure to drink a lot of liquids. I know we hear this all the time but it really does makes a difference. Shoot for at least 12 – 8 oz. glasses a day or drink to thirst. For nutrition, many moms have boosted supply by eating galactagogues like oatmeal, barley, millet and quinoa as well as spices like fennel, ginger and turmeric. Brewer’s yeast, flaxseed, almonds, and sesame seeds can boost your supply. i hope it can help you to get more supply for your breast milk.

Mommy CK said...

Hi gal, I chanced upon your blog.. Don't worry about stopping breastfeeding. I'm a mother myself and I know how tough it is to breastfeed. I too, has short nipples and my baby had nursing strikes with me at every feed. I then gave in to formula which it made me happier and made my baby happier. The most important thing is, you have to be a happy mother in order to nurture a happy baby. So don't worry, most of us grew up without taking breastmilk and we are all healthy and happy. Do what you deem is the most appropriate for yourself and your baby. Don't let others judge or rule our life. :) Keep calm & enjoy motherhood. Cheers!

Mommy CK said...

Hi gal, I chanced upon your blog.. Don't worry about stopping breastfeeding. I'm a mother myself and I know how tough it is to breastfeed. I too, has short nipples and my baby had nursing strikes with me at every feed. I then gave in to formula which it made me happier and made my baby happier. The most important thing is, you have to be a happy mother in order to nurture a happy baby. So don't worry, most of us grew up without taking breastmilk and we are all healthy and happy. Do what you deem is the most appropriate for yourself and your baby. Don't let others judge or rule our life. :) Keep calm & enjoy motherhood. Cheers!

Mommy CK said...

Hi gal, I chanced upon your blog.. Don't worry about stopping breastfeeding. I'm a mother myself and I know how tough it is to breastfeed. I too, has short nipples and my baby had nursing strikes with me at every feed. I then gave in to formula which it made me happier and made my baby happier. The most important thing is, you have to be a happy mother in order to nurture a happy baby. So don't worry, most of us grew up without taking breastmilk and we are all healthy and happy. Do what you deem is the most appropriate for yourself and your baby. Don't let others judge or rule our life. :) Keep calm & enjoy motherhood. Cheers!

Miss Lim MJ said...

Hi, I do not know you. Happen to read your blog. You are one courageous mother who did your best in everything that you could. You have spent time and effort in bf. Nevermind that it did not work out. You have at least tried.

More importantly, a happy mum= a happy husband and a happy baby.

Would love to see the happy mummy again.

Cheers,
Sophia Lim (mummy of a 9 mth old)

Miss Lim MJ said...

Hi, I do not know you. Happen to read your blog. You are one courageous mother who did your best in everything that you could. You have spent time and effort in bf. Nevermind that it did not work out. You have at least tried.

More importantly, a happy mum= a happy husband and a happy baby.

Would love to see the happy mummy again.

Cheers,
Sophia Lim (mummy of a 9 mth old)

Anonymous said...

Qiuqiu you have already done your best... don't worry your baby will understand... being a mother not only about breastfeeding.. nowadays formula milk is also good for baby too... baby health and growth is the most important thing.. My PD was Dr Han too,he is a very patient doctor and no matter what thing you don't understand he will explain to you...

Cheers
Doreen (mummy of 3mth old baby)

CIYUE! said...

Hi. I also have the same problem as you. I have short nipple. And i think I also have short supply of milk earlier on.
For the first month, I suffer a lot too. Nipple sore, nipple blister, nipple bled, engorged boobs, fever. I almost give up too. But I didn't. That period I really felt like dying. I was so stressed up, no appetite to eat. Felt my boobs so heavy. During the first month, my baby was half breastfeeding and half foumual milk. Because it was too pain for my baby to latch. I pump out into bottle for him to drink.
I know is too late to tell you this. But maybe you can try for your next baby. :)
You can try massaging your boobs. Everytime after I massage my boobs, I feel better. And apply nipple cream during your pregnancy. Keep pumping. Because maybe at first, your pores are not fully open yet. So some of the milk might still stuck in your boobs. Thats why you felt so terrible. Keep pumping. I hope it helps! 妈妈最伟大!

CIYUE! said...

Hi. I also have the same problem as you. I have short nipple. And i think I also have short supply of milk earlier on.
For the first month, I suffer a lot too. Nipple sore, nipple blister, nipple bled, engorged boobs, fever. I almost give up too. But I didn't. That period I really felt like dying. I was so stressed up, no appetite to eat. Felt my boobs so heavy. During the first month, my baby was half breastfeeding and half foumual milk. Because it was too pain for my baby to latch. I pump out into bottle for him to drink.
I know is too late to tell you this. But maybe you can try for your next baby. :)
You can try massaging your boobs. Everytime after I massage my boobs, I feel better. And apply nipple cream during your pregnancy. Keep pumping. Because maybe at first, your pores are not fully open yet. So some of the milk might still stuck in your boobs. Thats why you felt so terrible. Keep pumping. I hope it helps! 妈妈最伟大!