30 October 2015

Enough of feeling never good enough

The other day in the cab, i was thinking..

Trying to figure out why there's always this feeling of being never good enough. It's like i never do well enough for myself to feel good. I do, sometimes, on some things. But that's not good enough, is that, you have to do good for people you love, to your best ability, all the time, on all things.


How do you even try your best when you are a mum?

Since i become a mom, i always say "I'd try my best", how do i know if i'm already at my best? The best that i promise i'd try to be, how do i know if i am there yet?

To blogging, "I try my best"

To being a mother, "I try my best"

To being a wife, "I try my best"

To being a friend, "I try my best"

To being a daughter, "I try my best"

To being a sister, "I try my best"

To being a good aunt, "I try my best"

It is not good enough. I am not good enough. And i never will be if i keep trying.

I will only be good enough if i stop freaking trying.

And just be. Just be the best.

"I am the best" and i gotta start telling myself. I am the best mother i can be to Meredith. Pretty sure nobody loves her more than i do haha.

I am the best wife to Josh, pretty sure nobody can tahan his quirks like i do.

I am the best family member to my family members cox i am so cute? LOL.

I am not the best blogger but i am the best me you can get LOL SO DEAL WITH IT.

I am not everybody's bestfriend and that is perfectly okay. If someone is everybody's bestfriend then you gotta be careful of this person lolol #friendho LOL.

Anyway what i'm saying is.. I had enough of feeling never good enough. There's no way to trying to be the best, there will always be better, and there's no need at all to even be in comparison. Every mom is trying their best but i say we should stop trying.

We just all be the best kind of moms. We are all good moms. I also want to feed Meredith food three times a day and feed her all her milk, shower her everyday, change all her diapers and wipe her down and put her to sleep every night. And if i can't do that due to work, i just have to suck it up and look forward to tomorrow where i can be as obsessive as i want to be lolol.

I have to stop feeling so upset whenever i have to work T.T I really have to stop. The past one week i look at my schedule and everyday including the last weekend, there's work to do, places to be.

In my head i was just like "Kill me, just kill me, what am i missing out" But i am doing my best!!! I can't be cancelling all jobs right. I already am slowing down by so much and turning down a lot of jobs. The me in the past would be a crazy work maniac and take it on regardless lol.

And then when i get home i am so tired but i just wanna be with Meredith until she sleeps. Which is 11.30pm if we're lucky, 12am on normal day and 1am if we're unlucky LOL. But nowadays we're trying to train her to sleep by 11pm lah. But the thing is she alwayssss take super short naps in the day so it's really hard to catch her pattern. But i'd keep watch =D

Anyway yeah, i was saying, when i get home after work i just wanna die but i wanna live to play with Meredith LOL. And when she's asleep liao, it'd be a whole night of kicking and jabbing and nudging me and Josh, then next morning when i wake up at 9am i'd feeling like dying again LOLOL.

That is why i say, i respect all the mothers who do it by themselves. You guys are the strongest species that ever walked on earth, dinosaurs extinct liao you all still surviving. Hats off.

But hey, i am not as good as all those moms, but i am good enough for myself.

I am doing my best. I do everything by myself as much as i can and i am enjoying it, but i wanna enjoy it even by not wanting constantly to TRY to be even better.

I am good enough. I am not going to try anymore but i know.. I know i will just keep getting better.

13 October 2015

Meredith and Mummy week 29 - 31


Back again for update haha!

Last 2 - 3 weeks has been phenomenal becox my baby grew herself two tiny teeth =DDD Like half mm each haha. And she's learning so much new things, like to go on her side and try to support herself up, to blow raspberries and then waiting for someone to pick up her "call" lol.

It amazes me that at 6-7 months old, she's already so interactive. I think she's gonna grow up to be a chatterbox!!! Whenever she does something she'd make sure everyone is looking. LOL. What a show off. I wonder this trait is inherit from who one! LOL.

As for me.. I'd be better! And when i am i'd be happy to share happy thoughts again =DD

For now, at least these are the happy kind hearts and happy events that happen in my life =)))

Waking up to this. Hahaha.
On the day of mid-autumn festival.. Josh's family came over haha and Meredith cousins Carmen and Carrey say to let her wear the pomelo hat and she'd grow up to be smart! HAHA. Not sure about that cox the first effect of pomelo skin on head is definitely not smart but stupid LOL.
My baby stunned. Lolol.
"I like this new hat!"
Carrey, myself and Meredith with Carmen~ =D Hahaha. Meredith be confused. Lol.
Whole day eating my shirt! Haha.
Waking up to her lazy sleepy snuggles omg T.T I love being a mother.. The feeling of you loving someone so much, and have her love you back so innocently.. =')))
Thinking about life..
Really, do not disturb her nap. Lol.
Wanted to show Mich her budding teeth but end up took a lousy bad angle picture of her LOL.
Out for event with my baby =D
Saw a white background, i just have to. Haha. I loveee my dress from Lzzie!!! =D All their designs are so simple but with soooo much intricate details!! =D And it's all of super comfy quality!
Brunch before our next appointment!
I love bringing Meredith out =)) I wanna bring her EVERYWHERE if i can! Hahaha!
Appointment with Dr Eugene Han @ Thomson Medical. The medication he prescribed for Meredith's rash (due to the haze) cleared up the rash in ONE DAY. Two usage, one day, clear. So thankful!
No more rash on face = no more pink cheeks haha.
Wiggled and wormed her way to Josh cox she wanna see what he's doing on his phone hahaha. When she finally squirmed there, she was soooo happy hahaha!
Jialing came to visit with Jeslin and made a silly cap for Meredith again lol. My baby girl looks like a boy omg. Haha.
"Er.. No, i don't, mom" Yes you do, Meredith.
Jialing insisted on feeding her apple mango pudding for dessert lol.
Baby this is what you do all day long now, squirming squirming squirming..
To get what you want. Hahaha.
SHE CAN BE IN THIS POSITION NOW~!!! But cannot move or crawl forward lah haha. "Mom, don't be so easily impressed, okay =_=" Haha. I am so happy i'm using good diapers for her!!! Imagine all that squirming and leg movements, if it's a lousy diaper it might leak or cause abrasion for her skin and in between her thighs. Thank you Merries!!!
Cut her fringe the loose fine ones kept irritating the skin around her forehead T.T These fine baby hair has been with her since birth T______T
*pout* She's not liking it so much! Haha. Please forgive me Meredith~!!!
"Oh well! It'd grow back! Bah!"
"I'm gonna werk it anyway~!!!"
Parenting win. Lololol. Every day we would dance and sing together!!! And then she'd be tired by the 5th or 6th song and then she'd nap lol.
"My favourite singers are Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Jolin Tsai, Stefanie Sun and Jay Chou!" Lolol.
Godma and mkgg came to visit =DDD They look so perfect. HAHAH.
"Ohhh yes, 干妈 and mkgg look so perfect together! WITH MEEEEE~" Lolol. Third party much.
The game is, "Let's see how much Meredith can chew" lol. EVERYTHING.
Thank you Zhen for the cute hairclip!!! Haha! It's so silly! Yeye and his gold rings wth =_= LOL. My dad ask us why we rarely let her wear the cartoon LED light shirts he bought, so we let her wear it when my dad is around LOL. He leave the house then we change her out again LOL.
Amused by Mich and pulling Zhen's hair hahaha.
So happy everyday =))) If i may say so, it's becox of meeeee~ HAHAHA. It's so buay paiseh to say you are someone's reason for being so happy but it is true!!! She is my source of happiness along with a lot of other things, and i am her source of happiness too! I make her smile and laugh most! HAHA.
See her pink bowl she damn happy. Haha. Cox it means meal time. Made spinach and brown rice for her with the Philips AVENT 2-in-1 steamer blender! =D
EVERYDAY MUST GEH KIANG. I wanna feed her, she wanna feed herself = BIG MESS.
Just squirming around me =)))
So happy hor. Haha. Copy Yuxuan de trademark smile haha!
Omggg i was feeling so depressed the night before so i cried on and off the whole day and cried myself to bed what the heck what a freaking weakling lol. But the good thing is, i woke up the next morning with chio parallel eyelids LOL. With Ah Bong after marketing!
Good boy came to find me after seeing Meredith's spinach and brown rice the day before cox he wanna make the same stuff for his sister Yuxuan =))) What a good brother omg.
While we prepare the food.. Meredith kept trying to get Tiffany and Drago's attention haha.
Fell asleep on me =DDD Haha!
At Fat Boy's Burger at Serangoon Gardens! For dinner! Someone's super happy!
Made the cut to join the The Beetles with her new haircut.
She loveee Gelatoni =DD Thank you both Aunties! =DDD
Turned 7 months old today so i dolled her up a little haha.
Sorry she still look like a boy. LOL.
Haha silly grin.
Blowing raspberry but look like she's crying lol.
Haha. A little too overdressed.
"But i like it, ma!"
"Alright i'd look there and then you can take another one for me"
HAHA. Look like or not?!
All dressed up with nowhere to go again~ This was her on Children's Day haha.
Happy at afternoon snack haha.
"Simi lai?!"
Hahahaha drink water also must drink until so happy!
Mich came right after work to find her baby lolol. Unfriendly sia, ask her take a picture with me she also not willing.
Woke up with this view of cheeks lol.
Yurou introducing Peppa Pig to Meredith.. Oh god. Lol.
Went for supper at hipster cafe with my dad, Bong and Yurou =D
Breakfast for Yurou lol. She told me she want ugly pizza face LOL. No problem that's my forte. LOL. Really end up very ugly but she loves it lolol.
Went out with them and Yurou say "Photo me with Meredith and Pluto" LOL.
Now i understand how happy Si Jie feels to be able to bring them out for the weekend doing simple stuff haha. My dad say he's just helping Yurou.
Help until he take over what the heck lol.
Take one with Gelatoni at 31 one weeks old =D
Her last night =__= LOVE TO BITE ME WOR! Then i pretend to scream in pain she very happy lolol. Okay lah, i also love to be biten, PLEASE BITE MORE BABY! Haha!

A video of Meredith week 29 - 31 =) Got one part we disturb her she cry until =X Don't worry we're just playing hahaha #EvilAdults