30 July 2020

Me as a mum 2 Years 3 Months

The month i turn 30 and Amelia turn 1 month old.

Here's a video. Very very skimmed haha. Don't know how to work this new blogger embed thing but you can go to my youtube to watch ba.

I'm trying my best to put things together becox life is normal now, and there is this fear that life will become chaotic again and then i won't be able to find time to put down these diaries, which is major important to me becox i want my kids to be able to read back in 10, 20, 30 years. I don't know. Will Blogger still be around? Will Youtube still be around? I hope so. But we don't know.

Amelia looking like she was, a terror. Haha.

But sometimes she looks so beautiful, my heart. Haha.
Jiejie on the other hand has grown into a model LOL. At 2 years 3 months old.
These are all her posing for real.

Helping me take pictures with the cushions haha.

Out for lunch and someone fell asleep. So i had to carry her through out lol.
One of those evenings. I remember Amelia has colic daily 7-11. Josh and my helper takes most of it. I'd just be assisting with Meredith. Becox Amelia's cry made me feel so.. Distanced. It sounds really bad but it makes me not feel like i don't understand her and i don't know how to love her, and for that i feel so depressed. Like i really couldn't feel any joy. But of course i blame the hormonal imbalance hahahah.
Cox the truth is, i am so so so super blessed to have them both as my kids T.T

Their little interactions.

Watching her fall asleep like this. Moments like this i feel "Ohhh omg okay can. I got this" LOL. This was in the morning, just me and her in the playroom. But then..
Later in the day we were supposed to go out as a family but last minute only me and Meredith go out and find ganma becox i got so emotionally unstable and frustrated and helpless cox Amelia kept crying and fussing. And Josh don't like that i am like that so he say he'd stay home with Amelia in case we go out and she fuss and i ki siao again lol. So yup. Those were really some rollercoaster day to day haha.
Matchy top to toe lol. Gan ma bought this pair of shoes for Meredith. She wore it like once or twice only then meimei wear it once. Didi haven't wear but the velcro cannot use liao hahah.
Love to make people laugh this Meredith.
Just some Amelia baby time shots.
Started to grow some cheeks.
LOL Sean helping me finish my confinement food becox the portion very big HAHA. So thankful Rach and him pop by time to time to show support and to accompany me and to play with Meredith =))
We went to the A&E again cox Meredith fell super sick again. Vomit diarrhoea none-stop.
So. This one got story one.

Actually everything was okay. You can see Josh also very good mood. Becox as parents for 2 years plus, we been to A&E maybe 3-4 times liao. Cox just scared the kid gets dehydrated only. So must quickly go get meds to stop vomiting and to rehydrate. So we are very okay. BUT..

Later, we change our seating area to wait for another round of check. Then Josh became super pekchek. Like he so angry out of nowhere?? In my head i'm just like wtf chill lah. As if any of us wanna be here in the hospital at 3, 4am??? He started to act like alpha on offensive mode wth.

Only after we left the seating area, and go take meds, he became much better. Then after we left the hospital, got back home. Then he tell me about what he saw. The "thing" was just sitting right in front of him and it was ON a lady's face. Like not even around or beside. It was on her face. So yup.

Moral of the story is. I truly feel that period we just very sweh. And it was like that since July 2016. Like i just attract all the shit becox i was spiralling downwards. If i could, i would have slapped myself out of all the mental weakness becox i truly think it's a window that lets all the bad things find themselves through.

On the other spectrum of things though, if you attract good energy good thoughts, then it'd come to you as well. Now (now like now in 2020 July) more than ever i believe that mental health and mental wellness plays a HUGE part in EVERYTHING. So yall please stay sane and breathe okay.

A sleepy Amelia.

One night i took Amelia for the night cox Josh total burnout. She looks so.. Cute 😭

Becox Josh burnout, i took a very sick Meredith (she laosai 6 times that night maybe lol) and Amelia that night. But i pulled through cox Amelia quite cooperative lah only wake up to drink milk 3 times.
I've always felt like Amelia don't look very ready. Like she's still very foetus looking idk why!!!  Like she was already nearing 1 month but still look very unsettled in the environment haha.
Meredith and her love for nail polish =)
More cute shots of Amelia i don't wanna have to explain myself LOL.

Awww my baobei finally smile. Haha.
Me and Ganma on my 21st birthday party. Was it 21st or not. I cannot remember. Don't know who send me one but since it's the photo album i just put here lah in case i lose it next time haha.
Felt too stuffy again, sneak out during confinement to bring Meredith for movie. I think that might just be her first movie i cannot remember.
After movie we go wash hair. She super good girl, play by herself until she doze off.
On meimei's first month. You can see the full celebration post here.

The rare few decent pictures of Amelia awake that day haha.

sunday business as usual to Yishun to freeload. Haha. At this time Meredith still didn't have an iPad.
Amelia and Sanyi.
Last day of confinement i remember. Haha. Not like i took a lot of care this confinement but yup. Out and about with the girls hahaha.

Selfies with Meredith before we head for ganma's birthday.

Ganma's childhood dream come true haha.

Can't say every guests enjoy themselves though LOL. This period we nickname Amelia as Mental Melia. LOLOL. She really will kisiao and fuss until damn angry, ANYTIME.
To Jia's wedding!!!

With Dotty!

The coolest most easy-going and fun couple T.T

"jiejie so big still eat tutu!"

"Don't kiss me ah"
"I said no!"
"Er... Okay.. sure"
I how sweh that period also still have family and kids who love me so so so much T.T You see my face that time you know i stepped on dogshit LOLOL.
100% my daughter LOLOL.

I hope Meredith will remember all the times she messed up haha. And all the ice cream she sneaked.
Cheesie and Carolyn treat me to birthday meal hehe.
Sierra handmade card with mummy Fel, and they got a birthday cake for me! So sweet.

That was one of the quietest birthday i've had. Mainly cox i was stressed from handling newborn Melia. But it was very quiet as in, i wasn't getting much job, not many people / clients wanna associate with me due to the lawsuit etc. But everything works out right? The clients who believed in me, we are still working closely. And i'm still friends with the friends who stood by me. Yutaki posted this on my birthday. Thankful for the friendship always 😭
On actual day of my birthday.
I went to do hair and then we went to eat, and dive into ball pits. It was a very casual day out. But i finally felt.. Better again.

I remember telling myself, 30 is a fresh start. It's a good time to move forward.

And sure enough, i think i decided to pick myself up from then.

Of course i didn't immediately turn okay. It took some time, but i decided to get it down, when i turn 30.

I mean think about it, 30, 2 kids, a loving and supportive husband, a happy big family, that handful of close friends, i have everything it takes to not just pull through, but to thrive.

So why will i wither and not thrive?

I shall then.

That was the day i decided.

Fast forward to July 2020, i realise the amazing thing is, you can decided today to be THAT one day, you decide to do better, to be better.

Everyday could be that one day.

Good night.