08 March 2016

❤︎ Happy 1 Year Old, Meredith Tan Zhi Ning ❤︎

Dear baby, since the day mummy knew we are blessed with you.. Even when you were still in my tummy, hidden away and underneath all the fats mummy put on during pregnancy.. Mummy has always been trying to be a better person for you, doing only things you will be proud of, trying my best to be courageous and brave in facing all the obstacles in life..

Sorry for sometimes, mummy is not strong enough..

Sorry for some days, i carry you to my face and just bury myself in your warmth to cry my heart out.. For you are mummy's source of strength when i can find none within myself..

You are mummy's everything.

And for you, mummy will do the right thing..

I am going to listen to your daddy and go seek treatment for depression..

I never wanna admit i might possibly be depressed cox i feel it's something to be ashamed of for myself cox i always pride myself to be super positive and cheerful.. But now it's like.. "Why are you so weak?" It's been too long. And i really wanna spend the time ahead with you and really be with you.. And not have my soul drifting somewhere dark and helpless..

People at work can do what they want to mummy.. But mummy will stand for the right thing and stand for myself.. So when you grow up, you know to do that for yourself too.

To stand up against the wrong. To stand for what you believe in, for what is right, that does not hurt others. And most importantly, to do all of the above, even if it's hard.

On your first birthday, mummy wish for you to grow healthy, happy, caring, kind and courageous.

Some day you will grow up, and you will form thoughts of your own about issues.. About people, about things, about life.. You will decide if you wanna wash your hair today.. Or not. You will decide who to fall in love with and i bet mummy and daddy will have no way to change your opinion on what you love judging by the way you refuse to give us the toy knife in exchange with the toy teacup haha.

Now you're surrounded by people who love you.. Becox they are also people who love mummy and daddy.. They are our family, our friends, our loved ones.. Be nice to them too. Take care of them. Help them if they ever need a hand becox they've helped mummy, daddy and you a lot, whether you know it or not. They have all helped and loved us in their own ways.

But as you grow.. You will meet people who will hurt your feelings.. People who don't think for your good.. That's okay becox not everyone is to love everyone, don't take it to heart. Be nice to them anyway..

And then you might also meet people who wanna do harm to you or your loved ones.. Stand up against those people. Don't let them go without teaching them a lesson. "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing"

Do something good for the world, one good deed at a time, Meredith. Believe in yourself.. You are special.. You can make a change in the world.. Cox you already changed daddy and mummy's life.. By bringing so much joy and happiness to us.. Daddy and mummy are always, always proud of you..

Daddy and mummy love you.. Always =')))

This was you at 5 weeks old in mummy's tummy haha.
8 weeks..
10 weeks..
15 weeks..
4 months..
9 months.. Isn't it amazing..? ='))
Papa and mama waiting for your arrival..
When mama first held you.. You are a little creation of miracles.. Many many miracles.. For your eyes to be formed properly, for your heart to pump, for your brain to function.. For everything in you.. You are life's miracle.. Always feel that way and always remind others around you next time to feel good about themselves.. They are someone's baby too.. Like you are precious to mommy ='))
The first picture your yeye saw that made him so worried cox "why so ugly" LOLOLOLOLOL.
The first picture you posted on your instagram HAHA.
Daddy's little angel =))
Yup correct, diao your ganma like that all the time, do it for mummy hahaha.
You are very blessed with people who love you more than they love mummy hahaha. Si yi, Niao Yi, San Yi, Er Yi, ganma, yeye and more.. =) Grow up to be a good girl okay..
When you were so tiny..
But your attitude was so big LOL.
Niao yi's fingers and you..
Your laughter and your stares.. At 3am =_=
Mummy used to be able to carry you with one hand haha.. To give you a little bath near the window where the sunlight is.. Every morning, 7am.. =))) Now you always 赖床 until 11am =_="
Remember to always have fun with people haha but don't always allow them to put your mummy's maternity bra on you lolol. Especially not if you wanna buy 4D and toto.
Less than a month old and learning how to smile for a picture haha.
Daddy's little lost kitten!
"What are you talking about mom.. Your caption is so bad i can't even.."
Oh god hahahaha. Mummy used to think you're super cute even when you used to look like that LOL.
"What do you mean?" Nothing i mean you're super cuteeee~
"Okay i like what i hear now"
"But if i hear you joke about my looks again, i won't pull back my punches!"
Meredith, this is you at 1 year old..

You love to explore, you're almost fearless (except when mummy wanna walk away haha), you're very loud, you love to play with your soft toys (cox they are basically mummy LOL) and you love the indoor playground. You really love animals so daddy, mummy and godma brought you to the zoo for your birthday.. You had such a good time.. Mummy didn't bother to take much pictures becox mummy really wanna be with you.. And remember every squeak and squeal you let out when you see the animals that you've only seen from your books and flash cards before haha..

You also love yogurt and pumpkin. Fruits are your default favourite cox you don't know what's candies and chocolates yet but the adults are breaking mummy's defence against candies and chocolates soon.. They say it's about time haha. I'd just have to deal with that hahaha!

Can't believe it's been a year.. You are mummy's source of joy, motivation and direction..

Remember that daddy and mummy love you with all our hearts.. =') Thank you for being here and for being ours..

Be happy not just today, but everyday as much as you can.. Happy Birthday, Meredith.

Eat well, grow well, be well, think good thoughts, love your family, love your friends, be kind..
Sorry, mummy very naggy one haha.


Anonymous said...

Hello! Hope you feel better soon..if you need any recommendations for a psychiatrist, you can search for Dr Francis Ngui. :)

Harine said...

Happy belated birthday wishes Meredith.
Such a touching article.

Filipino Homes said...

Happy bday Meredith!

Yes. Go seek help. My mama had it at 67 and yet after the treatment, she's now back on track. Thanks God!

Anonymous said...

There's a lot of people struggling with Depression out there. There's many survivors like me who are doing well in life, it's a constant battle but never give up. Stay strong, believe in yourself and be surrounded with your loved ones. Life is still beautiful :)

Alice Lee-Yang said...

Qiu you are stronger than you think you are, but it's ok to be weak sometimes, we are all human. Sorry abt the unkind encounters and hope you can get out of the situation soon. With lots of love from your loyal fans! 💗

Anonymous said...


I've been through depression too and it will become better over time. :) You can also talk to a psychologist (Zena Kang is good from Novena medical) and Doctor Ko soo meng is a caring and good psychiatrist from mt alvernia medical

Anonymous said...

Hi.. Just wanna let you know that I had depression myself after giving birth as well.. I am not sure what are your trigger factors which caused you to have depression, but for me it was just the stress of being a new mum, lots of new stuff to learn and the thought of being primarily responsible for the well-being of a baby stressed me out. Oh, and not to mention the stress while trying to breastfeed as well (engorgement, lack of sleep, etc). I decided to be courageous and sought treatment, took medication and went for Counselling. I am happy to say that I have now fully recovered after 4 months of treatment and I am enjoying every moment I have with my baby! I was never able to fully enjoy when I had depression. Seek treatment and as soon as possible and you will get well. Believe that you will get out of the darkness soon and one day you will be able to look back on it. Take care!

New mummy

Anonymous said...

Hi qiu, I don't know where do i begin this / how long will this little comment box allow me to type. But I've been reading / following you since your debut on clicknetwork, and today it shocked me to find out you are fighting depression. I am not saddened because I have faith that people around you will fight this with you. :-)

Thank you for all the budget barbie episodes on clicknetwork, you bring smiles to many people's faces and save their pockets too. Thank you for the pride you put in budget barbie, thank you for the bubbly personality. and thank you for your existence.


Anonymous said...

been reading your blog since many many years ago. through these many years of readership, i feel like i've gotten to know you. and you're a beautiful, wonderful person who shouldn't get beaten down by the evils of this world :) hope you'll recover soon. We all go through dark periods in our lives. But only through darkness do we understand light :)

Anonymous said...

Such a beautiful post. Meredith is very lucky to have you as a mom.

Anna said...

Happy birthday Meredith! Have always been a silent reader of yours and would like to tell you that I really like your personality and your principles, like it really makes me feel that there are still a lot of good people around in the world. I hope you would get better soon, I know you would get through this obstacle, and the cheerful&positive qiuqiu would be back again! Jia you!

Anonymous said...

Dear QQ, hope you seek help soon and feel better. If you are feeling down about your past 'friendship', be assured that after starting and fuelling so many vicious wars against others, you are firstly not the only victim. Secondly, blog readers get sick of the unnecessary drama. Thirdly, people can tell right from wrong for themselves. Last, spitefulness and malice is most certainly outmoded and no one will support that.

I'm not particularly a fan of yours, but I feel compelled to offer you some advice.
1. It is evident that you are kind at heart and if you can stand up for your friends so righteously I'm sure you can do the same for yourself. Be strong, remember that this too shall pass.
2. Be mindful of your insecurities. Realise that certain things might seem crushing and overwhelming to you at any particular moment, but when you put them in perspective, most things do not matter in the greater scheme of life. People seldom notice as much or take as offensively what you personally think is a problem. Even if they do, they would no sooner forget about it anyway. Remember not to give your problems more weight than they deserve.
3. Focus on the good- your life is full of love, from your husband, family, friends, the people who truly matter, and most importantly the life you brought into the world. You are not alone.

Wishing you well always. <3

steffi said...

i feel touched.
you're a great mom, jie! ^^
keep strong & take care of meredith well, okay?

Anonymous said...

Cheer up, Qiu! You're gorgeous and your family loves you. I would kill to swap places. Truly.

Anonymous said...

Stay strong!
I've been your reader and always enjoyed reading your blog. Hope you recover soon!

Anonymous said...

Just want to let you know that bad times will pass and you will be ok soon with the love and support of your family and love ones. I don't really know what happened but you are STRONG for taking the first step to seek treatment for your depression and acknowledging that it is affecting you and your family. That's brave so don't beat yourself up ok? Take care.

Anonymous said...

Jiayou QQ! There's always sunshine after the storm. I also had depression after giving birth that lasted over a year so I really hope you can believe in yourself that you can overcome this! 💪


Anonymous said...

Is everything okay between you & xx? :'(

Unknown said...

Such a beautiful Post.

Anonymous said...

Hello Qiu. I just read your blog, might be slightly late now but i do hope you'll read my comment! It is definitely not easy for you and i'm glad you have decided to seek treatment. I want to remind you that youre not alone & things will get better before you know it. And, you are a great mum to Meredith, seeing you making those cute lil lunches makes me feel 😄 !! I've been following you & reading your blog for a few years and you are a very inspirational person to me. Thank you for the lively & humorous side you've shown us, viewers, all these while! <3 I hope that you will be strong enough to deal with the evil people in your life & be happy!!!! we'll always be supporting you :D go go go budget barbie 😆😆

Livvy said...

Much love to you and your little lady. I hope you get the help and support you need! Much love from England <3