24 April 2013

Diary of my encounters with taxi drivers

I take taxi at least 10 times a week. Usually more. That's about 50 times a month.
And i think with this vast experience i have with different taxi drivers almost everyday, i am qualified to write a book about the taxi drivers in Singapore. But i think i'd start with a blogpost. Lolol.

Actually what inspire this post was cox i was tweeting about one of my taxi encounter (AGAIN!!!) and then this follower reply me and say i should write a book about my encounters with taxi drivers.

Haha. Good idea, follower. Thank you. I am sure i'd love to remember the taxi driver spitting phlegm into his plastic bag of phlegm collection, for the rest of my life =D Hahaha.

Of course if i can don't remember it's even better lah!!! But if it might be interesting to you guys, i'd share! Hahaha. But some of the incidents i came across, is not i can choose to remember or not one, it's really scar me for life one O.O

Like one time, about 4 years ago, i hop onto a cab (mint green and white colour one) really fast cox it was picking me up by the road. Soon as i sit down and shut the door (all in maybe 1 or 2 seconds) i swear to god i froze. Like i remember only my eyeballs moved to scan the interior of the WHOLE taxi. And i only dare look around for a few seconds. Becox.. The whole inside of the taxi..


Was filled with stuff like these!!!
Lots and lots of these!!!!!!!!

Trust me, it's not the "I am going to bai bai with my family later" kind of lots. IT'S STICK-ON, PASTED ON, HOOKED ON, TIED ON, HUNG ON EVERYWHERE, covering the whole car.

Car ceiling also have =OOO

Front window, also have some, the driver only had just enough space to see the side side mirror and the front. Anyway.. The taxi uncle (I don't think very old lah, oldest is maybe 45) ask..

"你要去那里?" Asking where i wanna head to.

So it took me quite a while to respond becox i was in total shock, scared shitless. Like what if he's a serial murderer!!!!!!!!!

So i replied like with shivering voice and only manager to mumble out a "我..." Then he asked in the most calm (which makes it more eerie) and slow manner, "你怕啊..?" (Asking if i'm scared).

ERM OF COURSE I SCARED LAH!!!!!!!! I don't even dare to look at him or his rear screen mirror!!! Cox i scared i'd see a ghost or something sitting beside me, i was just very very scared cox i got this feeling he is scared of something in his car that's why he have to put these stuff in his car to send offering to the ghost or whatever! O.O I couldn't think straight and i'm all like illogical already.

So i never reply right i just keep rubbing my fingers and looking down cox i really don't dare to anyhow look around anymore. My hair already all standing and i'm breaking out into scold sweat dee.

I know i very humji but you tell me if you're in that car with this eerie uncle you won't be scared lol. So then he ask "你想不想一起去兜兜风?" (Asking if i wanna go for a ride together).

I might be over-sensitive but i feel when he said "together" he actually meant him and me and the ghost(s) in his car O.O Lolol now i think back i think i'm too superstitious already. He probably have mental illness only. So i become like a bit teary already and i ask him "Sorry ah.. 请问我可以下车吗..?" I ask him if i can get off.

So he was like "啊? 你要下车啊? 你怕啊? 没有什么好怕的.. Okay 好.."

So i got off and he drove off and i stood where i alighted for like 5 minutes to just calm my nerves. Lolol. I am actually laughing at how ball-less i am hahaha.

So this is the most strange incident lah.

And then one time i tweeted about a taxi uncle who has like 10 over big bulky packs of unknown stuff wrapped in plastic bags. All stuffed in his car. And there's this very bad dead rat smell all through out. I was soooo thankful it was a short ride. And i asked if i can open the window. I thought of what he could be keeping in those bags. What if.. It's dismantled body parts =OOO Lolol.

Talk about bad-smelling taxi. One other time, i hop onto a taxi and then all i smell.. Was urine. Like old, concentrated urine smell =___=" It is very gross cox it's so choking i can sort of feel urine air going down my throat i don't know how to describe!!! Lol. And then i look around.......

I SAW A BOTTLE OF 1/2 to 3/4 FILLED 1.5L BOTTLE FULL OF YELLOW SEE-THROUGH FLUID!!!!!!! I BET MY LIFE ON IT THAT IT MUST BE PEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was placed right under the driver's seat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Must be pee right?? I really don't think it's chrysanthemum tea lor! It looks clear of particles (unlike home-brewed chrysanthemum tea) but it's kinda like a darker tone of yellow.

This one i remember was a longer ride so i really is stick my face at the window the whole time.

I don't understand leh! Why must you pee in the bottle lah, just take a quick break go pee in toilet cannot meh! I mean i've heard from some taxi drivers that they don't leave their taxi one, so drink kopi, eat also is all in the taxi. But cannot be so unhygenic right?

Like one time i also hop onto a taxi with the taxi uncle spitting phlegm into a plastic bag. I understand he is feeling unwell lah. But that whole bag is all his phlegm can you imagine. It's not say very little leh!!! I think it's a collection from the start of his shift. And it's all germs lah.

Other than the fact that it's gross and unhygienic, i also think it's a very stupid thing to do. Becox you like this work + soak yourself around germs, then how you get well? Earn money is important but if no health / no life to spend the money also cannot work out right.

And then another time, i got onto the cab and the driver seem quite nice lah. Like polite and all. So it was all fine until about half way through the ride he asked me..

"Do you follow the news? With all the earthquakes and flooding happening around the world now.. Do you think we can survive?"

I'm like.. "..... Er...? Yes?"

He's like "Woah you are very optimistic. The people i've asked so far all feel that we cannot survive. They feel the end of the world is coming very soon"

*Silence*

Less than 1 minute later he go again "Miss ah, earlier when i ask you about whether or not we can survive, is becox...." And then he spend the next 5 minutes telling me about God and his greatness (which is a bit annoying but it's fine) and how we must all believe in him if not we will be taken away by natural disaster and that God is the one who created these natural disaster in order to firm up the beliefs among people and that the only way to survive is to believe in Him. A bit =__="

Then he say say say actually nevermind one but he keep asking me leading questions and i feel if i don't have a correct answer to it (which will be an answer he wanna hear) he will give me more lecture like this. Like he ask me "God has a plan. Do you believe? Today you hop onto my cab, it's also part of his plan. So that i can share with you on how we can survive with our belief in him"

I told him to stop very politely and i say i am a free-thinker and he's all like, "You can't say this you know. Becox you are also enjoying what he have provided for us - we are his children, right?"

WA EH LAO PEH EH NAME IS BOON KAK. He provided for me and raised me when i was young. And he have only 6 daughters and no have a nutcase son like you. Irritating max!!!!!!!

I don't care if you wanna yabber on about how great your god and your belief is. BUT DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN / CANNOT THINK AND SAY LAH.

So at this point i was very annoyed already i don't even wanna hear him talk lah! So i tell him "Actually you can stop becox i am not interested. Sorry ah" He's like.. "Not interested..? Haha" Like laugh at me for being ignorant and for not knowing better. HANAH YOUR GOD DAMN BEST.

Anyway he didn't really stop. Every now and then through the ride he will still say / ask a bit. I give him the silent treatment. Then before i alight he say "God bless you" Bless you lah you need it more.

Then also one more i find very strange!!! I have by far, twice, took cabs, with the wife of the driver sitting in the cab!!! Why ah! I don't know is it cox the wives are just bored so decided to go join the husband for work or more likely i think the wife is paranoid about the husband cheating on her during his work hours. Haha. Sound more likely hor? =X

And then since i am already rambling so much and is on a roll with it haha, i might as well also share what kind of taxi drivers i come across mostly. A few typical types lah.

The Dua Kang Yao Xiu (Boastful ones!)
I met many taxi drivers who say they only drive taxi for fun becox they have other big businesses / they have investment in this and that business, they just wanna have a transport vehicle for their family cox don't wanna always drive the BMW out (really one young chap told me this before i'm like =___=" Yeah right). And then got some really wanna smoke you big time.

One time a taxi driver was just going on and on about how he is actually a photographer but he drive taxi cox it's cheaper than buying his staff a car...... Only towards the end then i tell him my bf (now husband) is also a photographer and he shoots for commercial ads and all and i ask the dude for his company name and he's all like "Oh not very big lah my company!" Okay then you talk so much just now for what. Lol.

I am sure there are taxi-drivers who really do very well / raised up their children well and big and the children are doing well and they really drive taxi to kill time, i have met a uncle who is quite nice lah and then after talking about his family then only i realise he owns like 2 condos and rents it out and the kids are like lawyer / working overseas expat / youngest child is medical student kind. And i don't think he's boastful lah, i think he is very very wise and does good planning and is very capable and noble for raising up three good capable child by driving taxi =D

The has-been
Those who keep talking about their glory past. Like they see this need to tell you they were more than taxi drivers once. Actually what's so bad about being a taxi driver lah!!! If i can drive and if i am not such an idiot with directions and with my hand + leg coordinations, i also wanna be taxi driver lor! Their income is not bad one you know!!! Years ago i really had plan to be a taxi driver =X

I was like "I can't wait to turn 30 and be a taxi driver!". Whole day so carefree. Everyday go different places, meet different people. And yeah you have a car!!! That can make you money instead of depreciate in value and make you lose money haha.

So anyway talking about the has-beens. They mostly used to own businesses before and then business fail or business partner cheat their money, or they were VP / GM / manager in the corporation but got retrenched or just got tired of the corporate world, so they say. Or some used to be sign-ons with the army etc lah. they all have very colourful stories to tell and i sometimes quite enjoy listening to their stories but provided they are not sad and sour about how they end up a taxi driver lah becox i think there's nothing bad about being a taxi driver.

The anti-government
You know them. EVERYTHING ALSO BLAME GOVERNMENT ONE. Road change, road tax, traffic jam, no customer, too many customers not enough taxi, weather too hot, house too expensive, car fuel too expensive, all also blame government. You know them. I don't need to elaborate lol.

The "this one don't know, that one don't have" driver
It's frustrating enough to meet a taxi driver who doesn't know the place you wanna go to, especially when you also don't know the place yourself lol. Like last time i will think "how can taxi driver not know! It's their job to know!" I think this is too much to ask becox how can they possibly know all the big and small roads in Singapore! So i have lower my expectation to where they need to at least have a streetdirectory in their car. But with time, i expect them to have a GPS in their car.

It's okay you don't know, but shouldn't you have a GPS in your car!!! It's like part of the preperation for your job ma! Like if i work as waitress i'd have pen and paper with me to take orders. If i am a photographer i will have to prepare all my equipments and props etc. Taxi driver have to prepare their car and themselves also ah! Then sometimes you show them the place on streetdirectory they can still don't know one. Then how lah. The ride already started. Do i pay or not pay if i wanna get out and get another cab. I realise, i have to pay. Lol. One time i paid $3.40 for a cab ride that got me nowhere cox the taxi driver really don't know how to go.

The dead log
Those who say NOTHING AT ALL throughout the whole ride. Rude dao yao si!!! I greet taxi drivers all the time when i board one "Hello~! I wanna go to _______. Thank you ah!"

And then the deadlogs won't look at you, won't nod their head, won't say anything. Really there's no way you can find out if they know where you wanna go or not one. Lol. Maybe they so deaf and mute they don't even know you hop in their taxi =_=

These non-responsive ones are actually the ones that irks me most. Cannot just give a reply meh!!!

The number collector
If you call cab a lot, you'd have encounters with taxi drivers who will text you after that to try to chat you up. Lolol. I mean not a lot, but there are. Maybe out of the 20 times i call cab, 1 or 2 will do that. Can they please don't. I find it quite disturbing like they know where you stay lol. And they have your number. And i feel that the number is something they get from work and it should stay confidential and private lah. And should use it strictly for work like this. But there was once i call cab to go head somewhere that i am not sure of. So in the end i ask the driver to drop me somewhere and then i'd just ask my way around cox cannot drive in all the way one. The taxi driver very nice after like 3 minutes he text to make sure i manage to find where i wanna go to. So nice one!

THE NICEST CAB DRIVERS!!!
Of course there are still nice, helpful and really kind taxi drivers around!!! These are my favourite kind of taxi drivers!!! Chatty but not too chatty! And only chatty when the passenger is responsive haha. And they are usually very family-oriented. They share with me about their family, kids and grandchildren etc ^.^ Sometimes hear already very happy for them also one! Like one time an indian uncle share with me how he very headache becox his grandchildren always only bully their mother (his daughter) when he's around hahaha. And then one uncle share with me how his wife is very cute and nice to him and they are married for 30 years etc. All these things lah, i like to hear!

And then there are taxi drivers who are very nice with helping out with loading and unloading your stuff. And some taxi drivers who will give you a round-down on the fare. This make me just wanna round it up for them!!! =DDD I really tip taxi drivers all the time (when i am on my own) one lor!

But those who SHAMELESSLY round it up for themselves, i will be quite irritated but i won't ask for my change back lah. Like most of the time it's only 5 cents / 10 cents. Max i got was 20 cents being rounded up by the driver. But i feel like who gave you the right to decide that this 5 cents is yours or mine to keep. It's supposed to be mine. So i feel it should be me who say "it's okay". THAT. Or it should be you saying "It's okay" so you earn lesser by 5 cents. But you cannot decide to keep an extra 5 cents AFTER deciding you don't wanna gimmie a 5 cents discount. You know what i mean. 你要算, 人家也在算.

And then if you don't know.. I always sing out loud when i'm in the cab when i am alone on the ride one. Like no other passenger lah. Like bath time mah, very bored so just sing lolol. I have met two very nice and friendly drivers who sang along with me please. Hahaha. KTV on the go yo!!! Hahaha. Also got one taxi driver who ask me to sing louder. Zhen tao yan lah~~~~! Aiyo~~~! Lololol.

Good taxi drivers deserve encouragement! Like if i meet really good ones, who are helpful polite and knowledgeable about their job (like know where and know the best route) i will write in to compliment them one! =D

But it's a pity that there are more taxi drivers who are bad or mediocre than good =X

Recently i collected 2 receipts that i play bluff about wanting to write in to complain about. One took me on a longer route. Instead of the usual $10 the ride was $15 and there's no like extra charges involved and he's not apologetic about it. And then one other gave me VERY bad non-responsive attitude and then the fare was $22 plus. So i gave him a $50 note. And then he finally speak up and it was..

"HAI. TSK. YOU SHOULD HAVE SAY EARLIER. YOU ONLY HAVE $50??? TSK. HAI. TSK TSK TSK"

TSK GE PI. $22 leh the fare!!!! Also not say less than $10!!!! Kp simi. Whole trip tell you where we wanna go, tell you which route to take, tell you later take which turn, you all ignore. Speak up only wanna scold me. So i was like "Yeah that's the smallest i have. Please give me a receipt"

"Please give me a receipt" is also another way of saying "I wanna write in to complain about you" lolol. But i promised myself sometime last year that i will not tell someone "I will write in to complain about you" too easily. And i really never lah i only ask for receipt in hope they will watch their behaviour cox i can complain about them if i really want to.

So true enough, he speak much nicely after that when passing me the money and receipt.

WHY MUST BE LIKE THIS AH. Good people easy to bully is it.

Don't like this lah. Everybody do good with their own job, don't push it with other people. You think about this, why you don't wanna be nice to nice people, and only be nice to people who threaten to be nasty to you? Or why would you only wanna be careful when handling nasty people?

Just do your part and duty equally with everyone. Those who are extra nice to you you be extra nice back. Those who are nasty to you, if you do your part, they have no excuse / reason to hold it against you one. Like this everyone happy. Okay ending here!

Oh wait. I WANT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE LACK OF TAXI FOR HIRE!!!!!!!!!

Wah this one super rage. If you stay in Punggol or any other god-forsaken place you'd know. There is NO WAY, NO WAYYYY to get a cab in the morning one.

Like you can wake up 1 hour earlier, to wait for cab, i am sorry you will still be late.

You can call until your phone from 100% batt become 34% (true story) you still won't get a cab one.

WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!?!?!?!?!?!?

All the different companies, you can raid their phone operating system, you can burn their offices, still, no taxi one. Omg i am so angry just thinking about all the time i run late becox of the no-taxi situation in Punggol. WE NEED MORE TAXI DRIVERS!!!!!!

WHO CAN WAKE UP IN THE MORNING.

Actually last time only morning time cannot get cab in Punggol. But NOW EVEN EVENING (6-7PM) ALSO HARD TO GET A CAB. I think morning no cab is becox too many people staying in Punggol waiting to grab a cab to go work. Then evening no cab i think is becox all the cabs flock to CBD area to pick up all the working class =( Then Punggolians how lah =((

Omg. I hope more people will want to be taxi drivers. Lol. Why not! You be your own boss! And then you have a system lah. Come up with an app or something, to determine where the most frustrated people are due to lack of cab. Actually i can tell you now, IT'S THE PUNGGOLIANS.

Good luck to me for all my cab rides in the future!!! And i also hope i will never meet taxi uncles who love to zam-break like freaking tap-dancing while driving. Will vomit one!!!

32 comments:

Yanni said...

Hahaha omg. I can't stand preachy Christians too. You should have alighted the cab without paying and end it off with "Sorry ah Uncle, not I dowan to pay. It's in the God's plan that I don't pay for my cab today." HAHAHA.

Angelus Chan said...

Omg Qiu, you're so right about Punggol having no cabs. Seng Kang another terrible one. Long queue at taxi stand, zero cab. I'm always late for lectures too. They should hire more and place more cabs around neighborhood areas!

xoxo Angelus

Anonymous said...

my husband works for one of the taxi company and he mentioned there are some taxi drivers, especially the ones that keep incense, hell money etc like really a lot in the cab, not because they are scared of ghost. Thats because they are keeping ghost!

They get a cab to ferry these ghost around.

In turn, the ghost will give them 4D number and good luck when they gamble.

So, actually, these drivers don't really have to work one..

They just ferry the ghost everywhere.

One of the cab driver will never take any passenger with luggages etc cos he got no space in the boot. every nook and cranny is filled up with hell money.

Turtle said...

how about trying the public transport when there are no taxis? lol economical also.

Wayu's place - a blog about the sweet thing in life from an aspiring authors point of view said...

So scary lah, I don't take taxi too often. It's expensive, but mostly scary! there's always "taxi rapes" in the newspaper so I don't dare go alone. Just in case you know?

Irene said...

HAHAHA the KTV one is really funny! You are so friendly lah~~!

Manon said...

Your story about the phlegm in a bag (WTF!!??) make vomit come up my throat lol (Which is gross in itself, sorry). If I ever visit Singapore, I will remember to never EVER take a taxi!!

QiuQiu I think this is going to start a trend where bloggers start writing about their taxi experiences :D

Anonymous said...

Your post is long and whiny.. Starting to lose your original flavour.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHA U R SO FUNNY N CUTE

Anonymous said...

Just random thought, how about posting your strange and weird encounter with the third kind? You don't really have to post it as I said, it just a random thought!

Anonymous said...

Some taxi drivers talks a lot to distract you so they can take longer route. Some taxi drivers even hide at one corner and only when peak hours, they start to drive on the road to fetch customers.

taehreh said...

I don't take taxis very often.. but a couple nights ago I was leaving a night out with friends after having a few drinks, so of course I took a taxi home. I told the driver where I wanted to go (i was VERY close to my house) and he goes 'okay'. And then I'm watching him drive and he starts trying to take the LONGEST route possible to get to my house, just so he can get double the money for a pretty short trip.

I was very annoyed.. I'm not even drunk stupid man you think I don't know what's the quickest way to get to my house?? don't try and take more money from me.

Anonymous said...

I encountered this cab driver who picked me, my bf n his mom from a temple during Ching Ming. The moment we got on the cab he started talking bout Christianity, preaching this religion non stop! Then he asked how old was my bf, his mom, his dad. What r their occupations. Etc.
I was so pissed I say back at him 'this is none of your business'. Wat was that? Interview?
After the ride I called the cab company to complain.

Unknown said...

Hahahahahahahahahahaaha !

Alice said...

I don't think this post is whiny at all. Very interesting and funny! One of my favourites! ^.^

Anonymous said...

I love to read whiny and uninteresting or interesting posts from qiu qiu so keep it coming as you have more fans or supporters than losers or haters!! Bah !

Anonymous said...

I love to read whiny and uninteresting or interesting posts from qiu qiu so keep it coming as you have more fans or supporters than losers or haters!! Bah !

Anonymous said...

Can someone explain to me that stuff on the picture? I'm European and have no idea why she was scared so much. Thanks :)

Anonymous said...

OMG GO QIUQIU! LOL and so true, they need more cabs in Punggol! The other time I waited 20 - 30mins for one cause I was gonna be late for my exam, and when it came some lady just came and wanted to take the cab and I said "I came here first and I'm late" and guess what she replied? "Sorry, I have a meeting." and then rush in the cab. A+!!!!! :l

And I agree, some taxi drivers wah, serious buay tahan eh! Don't know directions alr, people take initiative to use google map on iphone, show you somemore, then shout here shout there and take own routes and sweet time (when they say they don't know where it's at) and taxi fare becomes like 5-10 dollars more. LIKE HELLO I CUSTOMER LEH, you don't like don't drive taxi la! Don't like ask me to drop la, so easy. Make your life and mine so difficult for what -_- then charge us extra, so annoying!

My sister once took a cab with me, accidentally left her phone in there, realised after she closed the door, and I called it up, the taxi driver stopped like 4/5 meters away then drive off and off the phone, very nice.

QiuQiu said...

Yanni hahaha later i go to jail how!!!

Angelus yeah i heard Sengkang also same. I think so long as it's outstretch from town it's same problem!

Anon, my god..... Wait i go watch Grey's Anatomy then come back to reply all.

Anonymous said...

"WA EH LAO PEH EH NAME IS BOON KAK. He provided for me and raised me when i was young"
I found this part so funny, laughed until quite bad.
The urine and phelgm one damn disgusting lor :/

Anonymous said...

I once got onto a cab with my 1 week old kitten. Knowing that some driver wouldn't like pets in their vehicle,I specifically told the uncle "I have a kitten in my basket. Is it alright if I bring my kitten into your car?". I make sure the driver knows what I am going to bring along with me before I board their vehicle. Throughout the ride he was telling me how much he dislike kitten and how there was once a passenger who bring a dog into his taxi and it keep barking and irritates him.

When I finally reached my destination. He told me my fare was $15 and I handed him a $50 note to change. I was busy answering to a sudden phone call and took the change over. He drove off and he give me a change of $30 only.

Please make it clear if my pet is gonna cost me extra taxi charges right before the ride instead of sucking of my money while I'm busy on the phone.

QiuQiu said...

Anon, omfg... Talking about the ghost one =OOO So why did the taxi uncle with sooo much of those stuff pick me up!!! Like he can just cruise along right??

Turtle, sometimes morning the LRT + MRT + bus all super crowded.

Wayu, in Sg i don't think there's such thing as taxi rape lah =X the chances i'd say is very very low.

Irene, poor taxi drivers have to hear me sing. Lolol. I'd only stop if they like sigh or they switch off the radio lolol.

Manon! Yeah i hope more bloggers share haha. So hopefully someday taxi drivers will have more manners!

Anon, ah then you can don't read.

Anon, i have very few encounters that i feel like i meet the "third kind" =O There was only one that i remember!

Anon who got cheated of $5 becox of the kitty. WHY YOU NO COMPLAIN! I CONFIRM COMPLAIN!!!




Anonymous said...

In response to the third kind, can share the story? Thanks

Anonymous said...

Jurong also no cab in the morning and evening. afternoon also sometimes no have!

ShuShu said...

I got one keep asking me to go for his 'money making seminar'.

So fierce and agressive :(

Worse, he talked so much that he forgot to let me alight and I had to walk home (2 bus-stop distance only, but STILL)

Anonymous said...

great post! it is hilarious! :D please do more posts like that. im a big fan of u!

Anonymous said...

stopped reading right after the first cab story, first one is funny enough, don't want to over load my brain with more QiuQiu nonsense lol

Fiona said...

Qiu! From my experience, there's also one kind of taxi driver we need to guard. Those who will look for opportunity to chop you carrot head, trying to take a long route thinking that you aren't looking at the road!
I've kenna this several times... Once they see you are looking at your phone, they think you are not aware of anything, they will purposely take the longer route. I once caught one once he turned one exit earlier trying to take the longer route, he knows he has got no excuse anymore but need to discount off from the long route cab fare.

Really people, if you know your route, make sure you open your eyes big when in a cab.

ahlost said...

I laughed my ass off reading some of your experience.. might be the way you explain it that made it really a funny stuff to laugh at.. haha..

thanks for sharing :)

Anonymous said...

You talk about taxi drivers being unhygienic when you don't even wash your hair/ bathe regularly.

Anonymous said...

lol, thanks for sharing with us your adventurous taxi trips, it's quite fun to read (: